Freshly Riffed 7: This Time… It’s Preposterous

23 Oct

What’s that behind your ear? Oh! It’s another entry of Freshly Riffed, in which I mock the titles of Freshly Pressed blog posts! Fancy that!

(No, you don’t get your money back. You paid for this metaphorical magic show, so I’m going to make sure you get your metaphorical moneys worth.)

(Metaphorical moneys are the best moneys.)

Ahem.

Losing Weight: Have you checked behind the couch cushions? That’s usually where the weight ends up.

#girlwithabook: Becausefuckyouspacebar.

Scaling The Laundry Mountain: Oh god! PANTY AVALANCHE! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

You know, I may be mistaken, but I think that is the first time in history that that sentence has ever been said.

You Are Now At Shopping Altitude: Pull up, pull up! We’re crashing in to great deals!

Whoops.

This WILL Happen To You: No, we WON’T explain what. You’re going to have to READ the post to find out. And we’ll KEEP emphasizing WORDS to make it seem more IMPORTANT. Fear the CAPS LOCK, bitches.

What To Look For During The Presidential Debates: Presidents, mostly.

Bikram Yoga Is A Hot Festering Mess: ‘Hot Festering Mess’ has got to be a band name. Or maybe a pick up line.

“Hey, baby, wanna touch my hot festering mess?”

“Come on back to my hot festering mess.”

“Is that a hot festering mess in your pants or are you just happy to see me?”

This is one of the many Google Image responses to “Hot Festering Mess”. And I am absolutely fine with that.

Alive And Well: Stop bragging!

NaNoWriMo: Embrace The Icky Sticky!: I don’t care how many made up words you use, I’m not fucking embracing your icky sticky.

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