Freshly Riffed 8: Son Of Freshly Riffed

5 Nov

You have three guesses to what we’re doing today!

If you guessed “Freshly Riffed, in which you mock the titles of Freshly Pressed blog posts”, then you are correct! Here, have a cookie.

Here ya go. Keep the change.

Ahem.

A Tale Of Two Cities: It was the best of titles, it was the worst of titles.

I Wish I Were: You wish you were what? A goat? A woman? On fire? NOT on fire?

A Difficult Story To Tell: Then why the fuck did you bring it up?!

I Wish I Were A Ghost: *cocks pistol*

That can be arranged.

AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD

And wait a second, “I wish I were a ghost”? Is that what the “I wish I were” title going to be but they chickened out once they realized that theirs was not as pointlessly morbid?

How To Survive A Natural Disaster: Well, “not dying” is a good start.

Endless: The War Syria Cannot Win: This is the war you cannot win, yes it goes on and on my friends, some people started fighting it not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue fighting it forever just because this is the war you cannot win, yes it goes on and on my friends OKAY FINE YOU GET THE POINT.

Why We Don’t Have Time For Jane Austen: Because fuck you, Jane Austen.

“No, fuck YOU.”- Jane Austen

Frankly My Dear, Nobody Gives A BLEEP!: I wonder what other old movie quotes sound like with censorship.

“I think this is the beginning of a beautiful BLEEP.”

“I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little BLEEP too!”

“No… I am your BLEEP.”

Coming Out To Yourself: Well, it’s better than coming out OF yourself, I suppose.

Mom? Dad? I’m gay! And also an alien monstrosity.

Why We Get Lathered Up Over House Porn: Speak for yourself, buddy. It takes more then a little chimney on chimney action to get my furnace going. Ya know what I mean?

(Even I don’t know what I mean.)

You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself: Look, my “house porn” joke wasn’t that bad!

The Bitter Taste Of Fish Sandwiches And Disappointment: One tastes like dusty fish, sour mayonnaise, mouldy pickles and freezer burnt bread.

And the other is a fish sandwich.

HAH HAH OBVIOUS JOKE HAH.

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One Response to “Freshly Riffed 8: Son Of Freshly Riffed”

  1. kelsgonebush November 7, 2012 at 6:06 am #

    Lovin these freshly riffed !! Always check out ‘freshly pressed’ and think WTF ?? How do these blogs get freshly pressed ?? There is usually at least one i like but the majority are just … hmmmmm 😉 ( I could wrestle crocs in a bikini , write about it , include interviews with Steve Irwins ghost and still not make the cut !!! )

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