Top 10 Villain Songs

24 Nov

A movie needs two things to work for me: a hero and a villain. And, if you’ve been on this site for a while, you can guess which one I prefer.

(Villains. It’s… it’s villains, I’m talking about villains.)

So, when somebody makes a musical, the villain songs are always the best part. So get on your devil horns and one ring of power, because we’re counting down my top 10 villain songs!

ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER THIS POST WITHOUT A RUNNING VIDEO PLAYER.

Ahem.

10. Brand New Day (Doctor Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog)

Woot, woot, Joss Whedon in the house! Woot, woot, Joss Whedon in the house!

Throughout this Joss Whedon penned musical, Neil Patrick Harris has to commit a dastardly crime to make it in to the evil league of evil. Unfortunately for him, he’s not that evil. At least, until Nathan Fillion steals his crush, Felicia Day. Then he’s like “Better get murdery all up in this bitch!”

Which is, incidentally, how I wake up in the morning.

I love how upbeat this song is, while still sounding menacing and murderous and, if I may say so, fabulous!

(Woot, Neil Patrick Harris!)

9. Toxic Love (Fern Gully)

God dammit internet, what the hell is wrong with you?! This is the second time in this list that I can’t find the clip I want, and we’re only 2 items in! You’d better ship up, internet, or I’m shipping you out to military school.

I can’t find the original video, so instead, here’s Tim Curry in the recording studio.

Damn, that is one damn sexy song. You are one damn sexy man, Tim Curry!

Well, vocally. Physically, you look like a drunken zombie going through rehab.

And, hey, any straight dudes or gay gals in the audience? Here, try this on for size.

That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.

8. Be Prepared (Lion King)

Look, do I even need to explain why this is a great song? It’s motherfucking Scar, in a motherfucking graveyard, singing to an army of motherfucking hyenas, in The Motherfucking Lion King. I checked with my agent, and I am legally obligated to include this song.

Seriously, if I don’t, they dock my pay for like a week.

7. Poor Unfortunate Souls (The Little Mermaid)

Is this what people do underwater? I honestly don’t know.

Maybe they just sit around and make easy rhyming jokes. I mean, seriously, “Poor Unfortunate Souls”? You could not ask for a better set-up!

“Poor Unfortunate Soles”

“Poor Unfortunate Foals”

“Poor Unfortunate Coals”

“Poor Unfortunate Tolls”

“Poor Unfortunate Trolls”

Oh, and this song is always a problem whenever I’m trying to convince somebody of something.

“Do you really need so much butter?”

“Look, I admit that in the past I’ve been a nasty. They weren’t kidding when they called me, well, a witch. But you’ll find that nowadays, I’ve mended all my ways…”

6. Dentist (Little Shop Of Horrors)

I will freely admit that I’ve never actually seen Little Shop Of Horrors, but from this song alone, I assume that it’s 2 full hours of Steve Martin running around and singing about hurting people while his back-up singers prance about.

In other words, the greatest fucking movie ever.

5. The Sound Of Drums (Doctor Who)

Ooh, this’ll require some explanation.

This song was never actually used in any Doctor Who media, but was released by a fan band, Chameleon Circuit. Somebody got a hold of it, made a fan video, and there you go. I’m including it on this list so I can get my Geek merit badge!

It’s from the point of view of the Doctor’s nemesis, the Master, as it details his character arc through the new series. And as unnerving as it sounds, I can’t actually get the beat out of my head.

Still, I’m sure that that’s not important!

beatbeatbeatbeat, beatbeatbeatbeat, beatbeatbeatbeat.

4. Hellfire (The Hunchback Of Notre Dame)

OF COURSE this song is on the list. Why the hell wouldn’t it be?!

Frollo, our resident priest, is singing about being in love with the main character, Esmeralda. Unfortunately for her, it’s less a “romantic dinners in the moonlight” love and more of a “you will burn in the fires of hell for making me so horny” love.

Yeah, Frollo is kind of a dick.

3. Friends On The Other Side (The Princess And The Frog)

Again, I haven’t actually seen this movie, but if this song is any indication, I assume that it’s nothing but the Shadowman using his bitchin’ voodoo powers to simultaneously rape every single living creature on earth for all eternity.

You know, for kids!

2. What You Feel (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)

Note to self: Joss Whedon is awesome.

And so is tap dancing.

And so are giant ventriloquist puppets.

Ergo, this is, like, awesome times 4.

Scientifically speaking, of course.

1. Thankless Job (Repo! The Genetic Opera)

Okay, time for a confession: I made this list entirely so I could talk about this song.

MWA HAH HAH FEAR MY ULTERIOR MOTIVES!

If you only listen to one song on this list, make it this one. Repo! The Genetic Opera is about a dystopian future where organ transplants are the latest fashion trends. Unfortunately, if you can’t pay off your organs, a Repo Man comes your way and “repossesses” your organs. With a knife. And a jaunty tune, apparently.

Anthony Stewart Head plays Nathan, a man forced in to the role of a Repo Man. A role he takes to with disturbing gusto, actually. Try to imagine Giles in this scene, and it makes it 20 times more disturbing. And funnier!

My favourite part of this song is how much he enjoys what he’s doing. He is literally torturing a man, disembowelling him, and using him as a ventriloquist dummy to sing back-up. This is a man who, quite simply, does not give a fuck.

He prances through his torture dungeon, giggles evil, twirls as he manhandles organs, and at 0:36, he even plays air-plane while he grabs his organ kit. It’s strangely endearing, but that makes it even more evil once he starts actually killing this poor guy. Head manages to balance “kid in a candy store” and “pure Satan” perfectly.

I salute you, Anthony Stewart Head. I will salute you as much as you want as long as you keep that fucking knife away from me! 

The thing about musicals is that they’re usually silly, silly movies. So a villain song is usually a silly, silly song. So when I saw a twisted, dark, gory musical with a kickass villain song?

That caught my attention.

And also my organs.

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3 Responses to “Top 10 Villain Songs”

  1. Smaktakula November 24, 2012 at 1:15 pm #

    So wait…you’ve actually seen Ferngully?

    • averystrangeplace November 24, 2012 at 1:22 pm #

      Of course! It had Tim Curry, fancy lizards and scantily clad fairies, what more could a man ask for?

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. 8 More Of The Best Villain Songs! « A VERY STRANGE PLACE - December 8, 2012

    […] already made a list of Top 10 Villain Songs, but I had to cut a lot. So, I figure, let’s do it […]

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