Freshly Riffed 11: Lederhosen Edition

26 Nov

Welcome back to Freshly Riffed, the only web series that started as a bordello, but then we got confused.

A Very Strange Place, circa 1450.

Freshly Riffed is where I, the great magnanimous Erik, mock WordPress’s “Freshly Pressed” function by taking the titles of their posts and mocking them. Hey, look, I managed to explain this without being a snarky prick. What’d ya know!

Ahem.

The Quickest Way To Kill A Conversation: Arsenic laced Jell-O usually does the job.

Facebook & Emotional Pornography: “I’ve heard of ‘poking’ people, but this is ridiculous.”

BUH DUM TSH.

Ooh, wait, I have another one!

“Is that a ‘notification’ in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

BUH DUM TSH.

Okay, one more.

“Mark Zuckerberg, eat your heart out. Or eat something out, in any case.”

PLAY ME OUT, PAUL!

That’s… that’s not even close to the music I wanted but screw it, I can work with this!

Confessions Of A Constant Commenter: Constant cacophonous confessions of a carelessly crazy Canadian commenter? Currently cocooned in Cancun?! 

Naw, probably not.

Curling Up With A Good Symphony: The entire symphony? AND their instruments?

Man. I always knew that Bach was a pimp.

“Son, I’m a stone cold playa’. Fo’ shizzle.” – Bach

Sometimes A Punch In The Face Is All It Takes: Challenge accepted.

Do Not Fear Potatoes: I’ll try not to, but potatoes are fucking terrifying. 

How To Fake Your Own Death: You need 16 gallons of butter, 4 ferrets and a spork.

Good Job New Zealand!: Good job, New Zealand! Here, have a cookie.

Don’t spend it all at once.

Time Travellers Are Invited To My Party And You’re Not: Fine, but Doc Brown’ll puke on your couch, the Doctor will end up fucking River Song on the front lawn, and Bill and Ted will snort cocaine off the chest of Marie Curie.

Moms Don’t Forget: MOMS KNOW ALL AND SEE ALL.

They are, in fact, Momnipotent!

Wow, I am absolutely shameless.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: