Ah yes, it’s time to engage in the time honoured Boxing Day tradition: collecting a list of the worst musical pick-up lines and making fun of them.
NO IT’S NOT ACTUALLY A TRADITION SHUT UP IT IS NOW.
Ahem.
5. What do I have to do to get inside of you? – Inside Of You
Has this ever worked on anybody? Ever?! Has anybody just walked up to somebody and said, “hey, how can I get inside you?”. I’m guessing it didn’t end well!
The worst part is the explicit detail. It’s not “can we have sex” or “how can we have sex” or even “how can I get inside of you”. You did that JUST to make me scream.
Nice work, I guess.
4. Your sex takes me to paradise – Locked Out Of Heaven
OH FUCK YOU BRUNO MARS.
I’m not even sure what this means. She’s… so good at sex, she takes you to paradise? Her vagina is heaven? Well, I guess that makes a bit of sense. I mean, they don’t call them the “Pearly Gates” for nothing!
BUH DUM TSH.
3. Let me kiss you inside out – Kiss You Inside Out
Wait, what?
Okay, so you kiss their… insides? Like, their esophagus? Their uvula? Or maybe the singer is talking about a different orifice.
…
Do vaginas work like that?
2. We don’t even have to try, it’s always a good time – Good Time
Hey, this one isn’t so bad! I mean, it’s not crass or disgusting or anything. Who sings it?
Hmm, let’s see… some guys I’ve never heard of and… CARLY RAE JEPSEN?!
Oh, fuck you. Fuck you SO HARD.
And, wait a second, would that even work as a pick-up line? Admittedly, I’ve never been a girl (except that one time) but I don’t think that would be very compelling!
“Hey, I’m going to put no effort in to sex. I’m not even gonna try! Wanna have sex anyway?”
1. Tonight I’m fucking you – Tonight (I’m Fucking You)
No, tonight I’m fucking you.
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