Nazi Zombies In The House Tonight!

2 Jan

Oh me, oh my, have I got some fun for you today!

Who here has heard of “The Asylum”?

Half of you just burst out laughing.

We call them

DON’T OPEN THAT DOOR.

“The Asylum” is a film company that specializes in ‘mockbusters’. Like the high school girl in stilettos and a push up bra, they hope to make themselves out as bigger and more legitimate then they actually are by ripping off other movies to the nth degree. YES I REALIZE HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS DON’T MAKE MOVIES IT’S A METAPHOR SHUT UP.

Their filmography is rife with such instant B movie classics like “Transmorphers”, “Paranormal Entity”, and of course, the always classic and totally original,”The Terminators”.

They just do not give a damn, do they?

The Asylum is kind of like the modern “Hammer Films”: they’re silly, gory, filled with lack-lustre special effects, and somebody is legally required to show their tits at some point. Admittedly, I don’t think “Hammer” ever did a Nazi zombie gang bang rape scene, but that’s probably because zombie make-up irritates the vagina like a bitch.

Please don’t ask me why I know that.

Oh, right, Nazi zombies! Totally forgot about them. I have had the… pleasure… of watching Nazis At The Center Of The Earth, a title which… seriously, what the hell? Why are they down there? Is it like the couch cushions of the Earth?

Wait, is everything on fire?

Alternate title: ATTACK OF THE NAZI MOLES!

Apparently this movie was a rip off of “Iron Skies” but because that movie was about Nazis on the moon, I think I’ll be skipping that one. (You know things are bad when the Asylum rip off makes more sense than the actual movie.)

The plot is as simple as it is ludicrous. An army of Nazis have been trapped under the South Pole, collecting people for use in their horrible experiments. They’ve kept themselves alive by Frankensteining their bodies back together because apparently that’s how that works! DON’T QUESTION IT.

They kidnap a bunch of scientists so they can use their brain power to help resurrect MechaHitler, and use him to conquer the world in their flying saucer and laser guns. I swear to you, I did not make a single word of that up. This movie is off it’s fucking Ritalin.

This movie makes no sense, in like, 6 different versions of the word. Specifically, it made no cents. GET IT?! AS IN IT MADE NO MONEY?! God, I’m funny.

And, on a completely unrelated note, I love this movie. I’m not even kidding, this movie is amazing. It has such gems as:

Vacuuming a fetus out a vagina so they can use it’s stem cells.

The heroes try to kill a Nazi zombie with a baseball. (It doesn’t work. OBVIOUSLY.)

MechaHitler attacks, and absolutely nobody bats an eye.

And, of course, Nazi zombie shower scene gang bang.

Only in an Asylum movie could that make sense.

If you and your friends want to see some grade A, good old fashioned insanity, check this out. Or, you know, you get turned on by zombies raping unlike-able characters.

And of course you do.

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9 Responses to “Nazi Zombies In The House Tonight!”

  1. Liam January 3, 2013 at 10:06 pm #

    Erik its iron sky and to be fair it was a great movie

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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    […] Gacy House, an absolutely golden title for those looking for easy number swapping gags, is another found footage Asylum film. It’s better than The Amityville Haunting but not quite as insane […]

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  6. “The Worst Movie Ever!” | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - March 12, 2013

    […] a menacing step forward, taking my cartoonish black cloud of anger with me. “I have watched a Nazi gangbang. I have watched so many found footage films that my fucking eyes are stuck on “motion […]

  7. 7 Classic Movie Moments That Only I Remember | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - April 26, 2013

    […] about the kind of crap I watch, I’m sure you people think I’m lying. Like, when I say “the Nazi zombies vacuum up a Norwegian fetus and use it to resurrect Mecha-Hitler”, I’m sure some of you are saying “yeah […]

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