“You Can’t Kill What’s Already A Dead Einstein’s Ghost!”

24 Jan

Lazer Ghosts 2: Return To Laser Cove is one of the greatest things I have ever seen and I’m betting half of you don’t even know what that is.

It’s… see, it’s about… okay, there are no words for Lazer Ghosts 2. There is, however, this video! Let’s watch, shall we?

Now, if you’re anything like me, several hours have passed since you first clicked “play”. You are most likely covered in drool, and have carved “Fuck you, Einstein” in to your arm with a spork.

That’s normal.

Lazer Ghosts 2 is a nine minute short film and no, there is no “Lazer Ghosts 1”. Presumably this was done to screw with everyone’s filing systems. It’s about Einstein’s dead ghost making an army of lazer ghosts to acquire the perfect lazer. Afterwards, he’ll presumably rent a summer home and settle down.

Or he’ll take over the world, either or.

If you haven’t been able to watch this… fabulous film, then you’re missing out and I no longer like you. To make you feel better before I kill you, here’s some quotes:

“There’s no such things as ghosts!” 

“No? Not even… lazer ghosts?!”

Insert [friggin’ ghosts with friggin’ lasers on their heads] joke here.

“Einstein… he’s back.”

“But I thought we killed him!”

“Ugh! You can’t kill what’s already a dead Einstein’s ghost!”

No, I suppose you can’t.

“What does justice taste like? What does it taste like?!”

“It tasted gross!”

Little known fact: Justice actually tastes like orange juice and toothpaste put together.

“We are so ghost-fucked!”

I am making it my personal mission to say “ghost-fucked” as much as possible.

“Why aren’t they dying?”

“They’re ghosts, you idiot.”

“I don’t believe in ghosts!”

Do you believe in… lazer ghosts?! 

Whoops, wrong scene. Never mind!

“I never knew Einstein was pure evil!”

“Why else would he invent lazer light technology?”

“And the Atom Bomb!”

Goddammit Einstein, get it together, man.

“Come with me if you don’t want to be dead.”

That’s my new “hello”.

“How can we stop him?”

“I don’t know if we can stop him! He’s Einstein!”

Hey, everybody! Let’s play the Lazer Ghosts 2 drinking game! Drink every time somebody says “Einstein” or “lazer”.

*drink*

“But how?”

“LAZERS.” 

That’s my default answer now.

“So, what did you do last weekend?”

“Lazers, mostly.”

“Cool, cool.”

Also, *drink*.

“So there’s a fucking shitstorm of ghosts coming, and you’re telling me Einstein’s behind it all?”

Well, when you say it like that, it sounds incredibly fucking silly.

Also, *drink*.

“Einstein’s goal was to create the perfect lazer!”

“You mean-“

“Yes. The green lazer.”

See, green is the colour of evil! That’s the exact reason I spent 2 years trying to gut Gumby.

Also, *drink*, *dri- actually, no. I’m done, if I keep this stupid drinking game up, my liver is going to crawl up my throat and shank me.

“We all know that absolute lazer corrupts absolutely.”

Okay, I know I keep making jokes at this thing, but seriously: This is my favourite thing ever.

“With great lazer comes great responsibility. And cancer, don’t forget cancer.”

Spider-Ghost, Spider-Ghost, does whatever a Spider-Ghost does. Can it swing, from a web? Generally not, it prefers to shoot lazers, LOOK OUT! Here comes Spider-Ghost…

[And, of course, from this point on, our 2 main characters dress in Ghostbuster uniforms, sunglasses and… wait, is that a Konami Laser Scope?! You know, the old Nintendo accesory? I don’t think it actually shoots lasers, guys.]

“Fuck you, Einstein.”

BEST. BATTLE CRY. EVER.

“You see, you didn’t need these green lazers to defeat Einstein’s ghost. You had everything you needed right here. In these green lazers.”

And that’s the best closing words ever!

“See you lazer.”

Okay, THAT’S the best closing words ever!

And that’s my good deed for the day, people: Shared Lazer Ghosts 2: Return To Laser Cove with the world.

See you lazer, indeed.

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2 Responses to ““You Can’t Kill What’s Already A Dead Einstein’s Ghost!””

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  1. Deep Thoughts…. Go Fuck Yourself « burlesquegypsy - January 25, 2013

    […] “You Can’t Kill What’s Already A Dead Einstein’s Ghost!” (averystrangeplace.com) […]

  2. Go Ahead, Ladies, Ogle The Abs: 1313 Frankenqueen Review, Part Two | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - January 31, 2014

    […] fusion laser” again, just to prove that I didn’t miss hear that. Good god, not even dead Einstein’s ghost would use something that […]

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