Freshly Riffed 18: Not A Post But An Incredible Simulation

25 Jan

Welcome back to Freshly Riffed, the only web series tHaT tAkEs CaRe Of ThE pLaCe WhIlE tHe MaStEr Is AwAy.

According to my flamenco instructor, Freshly Riffed is where I make fun of the titles of Freshly Pressed blog posts. Also, I really need to put my feet in to it. (Seriously, 50 dollars a week for that.)

Each title will be linked to the original author, for reasons that have completely escaped me but hey, what the hell. If you are one of these authors, hello! Sit back, relax, have a nice, cold egg cream. All mockery is strictly for mockery sake, and should not be taken seriously. Hell, you should NEVER take anything I say seriously. It’s safer that way.

Ahem.

I Say Tomato; You Say, “What’s That?”: No, you say “tomato” and I say “OH GOD HE’S GOT A GUN!”.

The Ongoing Saga Of My Innards: “Poop: The Major Motion Picture”.

Of Course I’m Afraid Of Nuclear Fallout: Oh, come on, the super mutants aren’t that hard to kill.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang.

AND you get to hang out with digital Felicia Day!

Toothbrush, Shampoo, And A Full Change Of Personality: Hey, it’s Harvey Dent’s overnight bag!

BUH DUM TSH.

A Month Later, Still No Answers: “In retrospect, trying to interrogate a brick wall was perhaps not my wisest idea.”

Teaching With Tentacles: 

Alex, play the clip.

There we go.

An Amateur Blogger’s Tips For Creating A Better-Than-Amateur Blog: STOP USING THAT WORD. I’m sorry, but “blog” just PISSES ME OFF. That’s why if anyone asks what I do, I just spit acid and leap out the nearest window. Or I just say “internet writer”, either or.

Paris: The City Of White: Dammit, I thought it was the city of wine! Well, there goes my vacation plans.

How To Say Goodbye: Well, according to our team of high paid scientists, telling them “goodbye” is a great way to start.

Is The Home Page Dead?: Give me five minutes and a baseball bat and that can be arranged.

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3 Responses to “Freshly Riffed 18: Not A Post But An Incredible Simulation”

  1. Miss Snarky Pants January 25, 2013 at 7:21 pm #

    Bwhaahaahaahaahaahaahaa! Amazeballs!

    • averystrangeplace January 25, 2013 at 7:35 pm #

      Why, thank you! Usually, the authors I link to just try desperately to ignore me, like some kind of bizarre fungus on the bathroom rug that screams obscenities.

      • Miss Snarky Pants January 25, 2013 at 7:41 pm #

        I’d never ignore a fungus screaming obscenities from my bathroom rug. I’d film it and put that shit on YouTube! Then I’d steal all your best lines and include them in a post about mushrooms. I’m actually a humor blogger…and now I am your humble follower.

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