Freshly Riffed 19: Banana Cream Pie, Wanted Dead Or Alive

1 Feb

Welcome back to Freshly Riffed, the only web series drenched in the blood of the innocents and also a goat.

DON'T BLINK.

The goat wasn’t innocent. Goats are NEVER innocent.

According to the hissing noise coming out of my toaster, Freshly Riffed is where I make fun of the titles of Freshly Pressed blog posts. Also, HISSSSSSSS.

Each title will be linked to the original authors, because I’m a whore for extra views. If you’re one of said authors, hi! All mockery is for mockery sake only, and should not be taken seriously. Unless you have a medical condition where “not taking things seriously” makes your head explode. Then you should probably take things seriously.

Ahem.

1,000 Words, Take Two: Okay, I’ll take “twiddle” and “phlegm”.

Four-Letter Words: Insert a torrent of swear words here.

Saying Goodbye: NO! No, you are NOT going to remind me of the The Muppet’s Take Manhattan “Saying Goodbye” song!

NO I’M NOT CRYING SHUT UP IT’S AN ALLERGY YOUR FACE THAT’S WHY.

Fear Of Being Exposed: Yeah, that’s the problem with wearing a kilt.

Brain Chemicals Are Not F**king Magic: Tell that to the zombies!

Also, it’s the internet. You’re allowed to swear.

The Moral Dilemma Of Financial Doping: What’s “financial doping”? Is that when you snort a stack of dollar bills? What do you have against cocaine?!

THE TRIUMPHANT RETURN OF SNOWFLAME.

Snowflame does NOT approve.

“A Letter To The Girl I Harassed”: The letter is “I”, and is immediately followed with “am so sorry I stole your panties, please don’t call the police”.

Reflections On Going To An Art Gallery: “So… how ’bout that art, eh?”

How To: Name A Baby: Step one: make a baby. Step two: name it. Step three: repeat.

It’s Just Sex, Dammit!: It’s… it’s just sex? Just sex?! YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!

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One Response to “Freshly Riffed 19: Banana Cream Pie, Wanted Dead Or Alive”

  1. Grace @ Cultural Life February 2, 2013 at 3:18 am #

    I’m honored you chose my post, “Saying Goodbye”! LOL. 😀

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