A Week Alone: The Survivor’s Journal

11 Feb

SATURDAY, THE FIRST DAY ALONE

Everybody is gone! My whole family left on all their respective vacations, leaving ME home alone! Fortunately, I’m not Macaulay Culkin.

At least, I hope not.

One second, lemme check.

Okay, no, we’re good.

They left me with only the cats, a fridge full of soda, and a revolver with a single bullet. I’m pretty sure that last part was a joke, but considering the fact that we already have a sixty page “Zombie Survival” plan, anything can go.

SUNDAY, THE SECOND DAY ALONE

Man, this place is really serene all alone. The cats are certainly still a nuisance, and I keep hearing this weird scratching noise in the walls, but everything’s still fine.

Kind of. To be honest, the silence is really unnerving.

Unless of course you count that goddamn scratching.

 

MONDAY, THE… UM… OH YEAH! THE THIRD DAY ALONE 

I swear, I am going to smash that fucking wall down. I am going to snap.

The cats keep staring at me. Stop fucking staring at me it’s not my fault.

I need to… I need to put a movie on. Ooh! I didn’t know I had a copy of The Shining.

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES TUESDAY THE FOURTH DAY ALONE

That… that didn’t help.

WEDNESDAY, THE DAY OF THE BLOOD

Thatscratchingthatscratching why WON’T IT STOP?!!? ARE YOU ITCHY?! IS THAT IT?

I can stop it I can stop it I need a knife. I know! I will string the cats together in to a crude knife like object!

THE NIGHT OF THE WOLF

I am the night. Coated in the blood of my enemies and also my cats.

I stalk in shadows, searching for my prey. I am naked, I move in the hunt.

Must find the pack.

AWOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[INSERT HISSING NOISE HERE]

LeT tHe BlOoD sInG iN tHe AiR. I wIlL fAsHiOn My SeLf A cRuDe HaT oUt Of ThErE gEnItAlS.

SATURDAY, WHEN EVERYBODY COMES HOME

Ohgodohgodohgod what did I just do?! How did I get blood everywhere?! Where’s… where’s the cats? And what’s in the blender?! 

I… I need to hide this. There’s a mop, it’ll be fine. I… can buy more cats. And I’ll… I’ll take this. I’ll make a post out of it. I’ll throw in a cute animal picture, and everybody will assume I’m joking.

Damn, that's cute.

Boom. Done. Crime: SOLVED.

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