Love, Etcetera

14 Feb

Oh, Valentine’s Day.

How you grate.

I’m not entirely sure how I can write a Valentine’s Day post. I mean, nobody likes this thing! I’ve heard people say good things about Hitler, herpes, or Rob Liefeld (in that order) before they’d say anything good about Valentine’s Day!

ANATOMY DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.

CROTCH ATTACK.

So, I could either do what everyone wants and bash it, or I could be all cool and hip, yo, and praise it. Hmm. What to do, what to do…

Ooh, I’ll do both!

Ahem.

GODDAMMIT I HATE THIS MOTHERFUCKING HOLIDAY IT’S ALL JUST A LIE IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LOVE AND ANYBODY WHO CELEBRATES IT IS A TWAT.

Golly, I just love this amazing holiday! It’s just… so true! It has everything to do with love, and if you don’t like it, then I don’t like you, no siree!

IF I HAD ONLY ONE WISH IN THE WORLD IT WOULD BE THAT EVERYONE IN LOVE EXPLODED THEIR OWN GENITALS WITH A QUART OF NITROGLYCERIN INJECTED VIA COBRA.

You know, if I was so lucky to get one wish, I would wish that everyone in love exploded (in a good way) their love life with a quart of pure life, injected via Cupid’s arrow!

I AM FILLED WITH SUCH RAGE THAT I CAN ONLY PROPERLY EXPRESS IT BY SHOUTING!

I am filled with such love that I can only properly express it by singing!

I HATE YOU.

I love you!

ARGGHHHHHHHHHH!

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

ARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

WANNA GO OUT SOMETIME?

Yeah, that sounds nice.

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