Poems Are Read, Violets Are Blue…

15 Feb

Another Valentine’s Day has passed us by, leaving us with the traditional trappings of soiled chocolates and used condoms. (In that order.)

But I feel empty inside, and not only because my “Free Anal Sex” scam has failed once again. No, it’s because I haven’t taken full advantage of all the “roses are red, violets are blue” jokes! I mean, it was obvious. It’s like a clown working a shift at a pie factory. And the pie factory happens to be next to a banana grove on national “Throw The Peels On The Ground” day.


Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Stop reading this poem,

A car’s hitting you.


Roses are red,

My erection is blue.

I have no girlfriend,

How about you?


Roses are red,

Violets are red,

Oranges are red,

I’m bad at colours.


Roses are red,

T-Rexes are green,

There’s no poem here,

I just think dinosaurs are cool.


Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Wait, violets aren’t blue!

What the fuck, dude?


My brain stem is pink,

You zombie fuck, you,

When you kill me and eat it,

Make sure that you chew.


The Anger Core’s red,

ATLAS is blue,

We’ll leave this facility,

‘Cause it’s hard to kill you.

ATLAS for life!

You have NO IDEA how long I thought about that last one.


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