Hunter Killer Drones? What The Hell Is Wrong With You?!

9 Mar

Recently, at my cousins house, I had a chance to play Call Of Duty: Black Ops 2, a game which (statistically speaking) you already own. Even if you don’t think you own it, check again. You own it.

(Even though I don’t.)

Insert Twilight Zone music here.

IT FOLLOWS YOU EVERYWHERE.

The gameplay is still as fun to play with friends as ever, and a great time was had by all. But you know, something kept sticking in my mind, and now I can’t shake it: Hunter Killer Drones.

Say that out loud. No, seriously. Say it. Hunter Killer Drones. This is a game in which the protagonists use… Hunter Killer Drones. The GOOD GUYS, remember. They use HUNTER KILLER DRONES.

If you can say that without cackling wildly and thinking about tying damsels to railroad tracks, then you’re clearly a Treyarch story writer. According to the IMDB page, Black Ops 2 is about “new unmanned machines” being taken over “by a Nicaraguan terrorist.”

Oh, really? THAT’S the best plot you can have? Not “terrorists are trying to build remorseless immortal infinite killbots”, no no, the terrorists are trying to STEAL the remorseless immortal infinite killbots that you already have.

Well, boo hoo, Doctor fucking Doom. I guess you’ll have to wait a couple weeks before you nuke the goddamn moon.

BOOM.

“It was obstructing my view of Venus.”

This just blows my mind on so many levels. First of all, why was this incorporated in to gameplay? It might only be in multiplayer, but why is it there? All it is is a big button that kills somebody with no assistance on your part. Think of it as a big “make the game play itself” button, which kind of takes the purpose out of playing the game. Plus, they can’t even be killed via bullets! So it’s a giant “fuck you” to anyone else in the hemisphere.

And secondly, there’s the fact that this makes the USA look incredibly suspect. I know Hunter Killer Drones actually exist in real life, but you don’t have to show it in the game. Bio weapons exist in real life, sure, but you don’t show the impoverished terrorists crawling around vomiting blood while the robots start jumping up and down on the corpses! No, you save that for the after party.

When your biggest concerns are that the “bad guys” are taking over YOUR immortal death droids, you’re not the protagonist.

You’re fucking Skynet.

He looks so happy!

 

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