The Key To Good Writing

17 Mar

Oh hell, oh hell, oh hell, oh hell. You know, usually when I completely fuck up, it’s my own fault. Not often that it’s completely out of my control.

Huh. Kind of feels nice.

So, I’m still sick and all, but instead of sitting around and reading Kim Possible fan fic all day, I decided to use my spare time to actually accomplish something.

What? Competence? AHHHHHHHHHH.

I don’t want to give away what I did today, but rest assured that it involves dancing and squid hats and absinthe and I think we can all agree that that’s a generally a positive thing.

BUT apparently my computer is a massive twat, and it won’t let me [REDACTED] the [REDACTED] in time for an upload today! Son of a bitch.

So, while we wait for that to get it’s act together, let’s talk about something I’ve wanted to talk about for a while: writing!

Hey, get back here! Stop alt tabbing out! You can look at porn later!

Okay, let me rephrase that. I’m not talking about writing as much as I’m talking about reading.

AND YES I REALIZE THOSE THINGS ARE VERY SIMILAR SHUT THE FUCK UP.

You might notice here, and indeed in all of my posts, the fact that everything I write is kept in as brief a snippet as I can manage.

That is not a coincidence.

I know that everybody is inherently lazy. After all, it’s the human condition. Or at least, it’s the me-condition. Thus, in my infinite wisdom, I keep all my posts as bite sized as possible, for easy digestion and subsequent crap.

Now, you might not believe that makes such a difference, so here you go: Everything that I just wrote, but without these handy-dandy breaks.

Oh hell, oh hell, oh hell, oh hell. You know, usually when I completely fuck up, it’s my own fault. Not often that it’s completely out of my control. Huh. Kind of feels nice. So, I’m still sick and all, but instead of sitting around and reading Kim Possible fan fic all day, I decided to use my spare time to actually accomplish something. What Competence? AHHHHHHHHHH. I don’t want to give away what I did today, but rest assured that it involves dancing and squid hats and absinthe and I think we can all agree that that’s a generally a positive thing. BUT apparently my computer is a massive twat, and it won’t let me [REDACTED] the [REDACTED] in time for an upload today! Son of a bitch. So, while we wait for that to get it’s act together, let’s talk about something I’ve wanted to talk about for a while: writing! … Hey, get back here! Stop alt tabbing out! You can look at porn later! Okay, let me rephrase that. I’m not talking about writing as much as I’m talking about reading. AND YES I REALIZE THOSE THINGS ARE VERY SIMILAR SHUT THE FUCK UP. You might notice here, and indeed in all of my posts, the fact that everything I write is kept in as brief a snippet as I can manage. That is not a coincidence. I know that everybody is inherently lazy. After all, it’s the human condition. Or at least, it’s the me-condition. Thus, in my infinite wisdom, I keep all my posts as bite sized as possible, for easy digestion and subsequent crap.Now, you might not believe that makes such a difference, so here you go: Everything that I just wrote, but without these handy-dandy breaks.

If you look at those two chunks, tell me: which would you rather read?

The answer is the first one, you fucking moron.

I wanted to write this as a cautionary tale for any other writers: keep it bite sized, otherwise the reader might choke on your olympian sausage of a post and I think there’s a dick joke in there somewhere.

There we go, now if I see anyone else make that mistake, I can stab them in the groin without shame.

Although, admittedly, I do that anyways.

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One Response to “The Key To Good Writing”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Last Exorcism: A VIDEO REVIEW, PART ONE | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - March 18, 2013

    […] THIS is what I was obliquely referencing to yesterday! I took the time out of my very, very busy schedule (coughcough) to make an actual video review! […]

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