“Video Game Addiction Is Real!”

22 Mar

Hello, everyone, lemme tell you a story! (All about how my life got flipped turned upside down and I’d like to take a minute just sit right there I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air okay fine I think you got the point.)

Once upon a time, about sixteen seconds ago, I was checking the school’s computers for anything interesting. After cycling through three different varieties of goat porn, I finally found a document titled “videogames”.

Oh, THIS I have to see.

It was a three page essay about how all video games are evil and highly addicting and are destroying teenager’s lives and oh, fuck you.

Let’s be clear: video games ARE. NOT. EVIL. YOU. UTTER. MORON. They’re a new, revolutionary medium that kick the asses of everything that came before. Trying to preach about how video games are evil is going to put you in the same category as those people who tried to outlaw movies or fun.

So, in retaliation, I went through the file and edited in my own… notes.

Ahem.

“Anyone who has experienced it knows all too well – video game addiction is real.

(No, it’s not.)

Although gaming addiction is not yet officially recognized as a diagnosable disorder by the American Medical Association, (For obvious reasons.) there is increasing evidence that people of all ages, especially teens and pre-teens, are facing very real, sometimes severe consequences associated with compulsive use of video and computer games.

(Oh yes, the consequences are so severe. OH GOD, HE’S GOING FOR THE HIGH SCORE! GET THE KNIFE!)

Video games are becoming increasingly complex, detailed, and compelling to a growing international audience of players.

(Oh god, they’re growing larger and larger. Run! They feed on human flesh!)

With better graphics, more realistic characters, and greater strategic challenges, it’s not surprising that some teens would rather play the latest video game than hang out with friends, play sports, or even watch television.

(What? They’re not watching T.V? BURN THE HERETIC!)

Of course, all gamers are not addicts – many teens can play video games a few hours a week, successfully balancing school activities, grades, friends, and family obligations. But for some, gaming has become an uncontrollable compulsion.

(Yeah, they end up injecting video games directly in to their eyeballs. We call it “Doing A Detective Vision”.)

Studies estimate that 10 percent to 15 percent of gamers exhibit signs that meet the World Health Organization’s criteria for addiction. Just like gambling and other compulsive behaviors, teens can become so enthralled in the fantasy world of gaming that they neglect their family, friends, work, and school.

(Okay, I think you’re confusing “gamers” with “Koreans”.)

If you or a loved one shows signs of computer or video game addiction, this website is for you.

(If you’re the kind of person who’ll send a person in to rehab for playing a video game, you need to take a step back, look at your life, and brain yourself with a baseball bat.)

Here, you will find up-to-date information and resources that will help you assess whether gaming has gone from an entertaining pastime to a full-blown obsession. From signs (Signs? Like what? “OH GOD, HE’S PLAYING POKEMON, GET THE TRANQ GUN!”) and symptoms (Yeah, the symptoms list just reads “playing video games” over and over again.) to advice for parents and treatment options, this site offers advice and solutions to help bring compulsive gamers back to real life.

What Makes a Video Game Addictive? Read more to find out…

(Don’t mind if I do!)

More Articles about Internet and Gaming Addiction

  • Taking Risks in Video Games Tied with Real-Life Risks

Video games and other media that depict risk-taking may increase the likelihood that people will take dangerous risks in their real lives. more…

(Yeah, if the people involved are COMPLETE TWATS. But in that case, it’s probably better to let them stick their dick in a blender or whatever else they were trying to do.)

  • Top 10 Alternatives to Video Games

It isnt always easy to get your teen to stop playing video games. They may not be motivated to change bad habits, or worse, they may have become addicted to video games or the Internet. more…

(“Son, we’ve noticed you’ve been playing video games. Have you tried cocaine instead?”)

  • The Internet May Be Causing More Harm to Your Children Than You Think

A new study published in the journal Injury Prevention shows that Internet addiction can lead teens to cause themselves harm through pulling their own hair or hitting, pinching or burning themselves. more…

(Wait, now we’re talking about “the internet”? I thought we were talking about video games! Geez, at least try to stick to ONE incredibly stupid thing at a time! You practically gave me whiplash!)

  • Increased Media Consumption Among Teens Contributing to Poor Health

If you’re worried that your teenager has been gaining weight lately, and if you think television, video games and Internet use may be playing a role, you’re not alone. more…

(Little Known Fact: The internet actually spontaneously generates sticky buns when it senses you’re getting bored.)

  • How to Protect Your Teens From Cyberbullies

Instead of physically harming or verbally attacking their victims, cyberbullies use the Internet, cell phones and other technology to hurt, threaten and embarrass others. more…

(Cyberbullies? I just met ‘erbullies!)

  • Risk of Internet Addiction Higher in Teens with ADHD and Depression

Children and teens who are diagnosed with one of several emotional and behavioral disorders are more likely than their peers to become addicted to the Internet. More…

(Man, remember when this stupidity was about video games? Yeah, now you’ve sold out, you corporatist son of a bitch.)

  • When (and How) to Pull the Plug: Six Tips for Protecting Your Child from Internet Addiction

The secret to ensuring that your children have a healthy relationship with the Internet and video games means effectively managing your kids’ computer activities. If you can help your children learn to game and navigate the online world responsibly, you’ll have gained an essential point of entry into their lives. More…

(“Essential point of entry”? This is parenting, not Mission fucking Impossible!)

  • Never Too Old for Video Games?

Recent studies show that the average video game addict is 35 years old and is fatter and more depressed than the general population. More…

(Of course you had to throw “fatter” in there, you condescending jackass.)

  • Study Documents Prevalence of Pathological Behavior among Young Video Gamers

A recent study has added scientific support to claims of addiction among one notoriously dedicated group: Young video game players may actually suffer from video game addiction. More…

(BREAKING NEWS: PEOPLE WHO ENJOY PLAYING VIDEO GAMES ENJOY PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.)

  • Fun Ways to Limit Your Teen’s Screen Time This Summer

Now is the time to make a plan to help your teen stave off summer boredom. Here are a few tips to ensure this season isnt remembered as the summer of screen time. More…

(“What’s that, son? You’ve found a way to express yourself personally? SUPPRESS IT! SUPPRESS IT IMMEDIATELY!)

  • New Facts about Video Game Addiction: Problem More Widespread Than Expected

Don’t believe video game addiction really exists? New research may convince you to think again. More…

(New research may also convince you to stick your dick in a garbage disposal. What of it?)

  • Confronting the Dreaded Cyber Bully

Cyber bullying is not harmless fun and can cause deep emotional scars that last a lifetime. Use these tips to arm your family against cyber bullying. More…

(I’d advise a harpoon.)

  • About Video Game Addiction

Video game addiction does exist – and it’s affecting children and teens all across America. More…

(Because, as everybody knows, video games are ONLY played in America. Fuck you, Japan.)

  • Game Over: Video Games Strain Relationships with Friends and Family

Video games have done far more than change the way we entertain ourselves. They have changed how we communicate, how much time we spend with friends and family, and how much time we invest in active, real-life pursuits. More…

(The exact same can be said about literally any form of media ever, but then again, BOOKS don’t exactly have internet protest groups, do they?)

(I checked.)

(They don’t.)

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2 Responses to ““Video Game Addiction Is Real!””

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Discount Caribbean Family Vacation ?Video Game Addiction Is Real!? | A VERY STRANGE PLACE | Discount Caribbean Family Vacation - March 25, 2013

    […] Source: http://averystrangeplace.com/2013/03/22/video-game-addiction-is-real/ […]

  2. “Video Game Addiction: THE SHOCKING TRUTH!” | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - April 5, 2013

    […] of swearing and mockery may remember my exposé about an anti-video game article I found saved on a school computer. And if you missed that, here’s the cliff […]

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