Freshly Riffed 25: At Night, The Ice Weasels Come

27 Mar

Welcome back to Freshly Riffed, the only web series that’s exactly like Sherlock Holmes, in that we can only function if we’re on enough cocaine to kill a bull elephant.

Enjoy that mental image.

Trust me, he’s done ALL of the drugs. All of them. Hell, he probably tried to snort Watson at some point.

According to the zombified remains of John F. Kennedy, Freshly Riffed is where I make fun of the titles of Freshly Pressed blog posts. Also, where the fuck did I get the zombified remains of John F. Kennedy I mean honestly now.

Each title will be linked to the original authors, because it’s the only way to keep the F.B.I off my tail. If you are one of said authors, greetings! Have a cupcake, and remember, all mockery is for mockery’s sake only and should not be taken seriously.


Love, Loved, Light: Licking, loopy, leering, Luthor, lying, lion, lethargic, laxative, lentils, leaning, losers, Lancelot, lippy, landing, listening, Lara, lamprey, left, lumpy, lark, lurk, lurch.

(See, I can list things starting with L too, it’s not that hard.)

You’re Gonna Carry That Weight; Carry That Weight A Long Time: “In retrospect, getting that livelong ‘carry weight forever’ job was perhaps not my best idea.”

Stand Up.: Now, really, out of the quotes from the Cole Train rap, why did you choose that one?

The Shelf Of Shame: I assume that the shelf of shame is nothing but Chet Gecko books, horribly written Twilight fan fiction, and those stupid Angus, Thongs, And Full Frontal Snogging books.

(Why yes, I have actually read that. STOP JUDGING ME.)

The Rainbow In Your Hands: “That’s what you get for high-fiving Liberace!”

No, scratch that, I got a better one!

“I heard of ‘twinkle-toes’, but never ‘dazzler-digits’!”

Okay, okay, one more.

“Stick your hands up my ass and call me a Pride Parade!”


We Are Fandom, Hear Us Roar: Oh, please. Fandoms don’t “roar”. They more “roll around mewling pathetically, repeatedly bleating out the same tired memes over and over again until everybody in a hundred mile radius wants to bash in their head with a car battery”.

I know, I know. Pot, kettle, black, etc.

The Beatles’ Scariest Songs: I’m pretty sure the only way a Beatles song could be scary is if you stapled a Halloween mask on Ringo.

How To Get What You Want Without Really Trying: (Spoiler warning: The answer is “boobs”.)

Self Portrait Turned Reptile: Goddammit Werelizard get your act together.

Lessons From A Social Media N00B: Uh oh, you just used “N00B” in an experience other than World Of Warcraft.

Now you must die.

“Take the shot.”


2 Responses to “Freshly Riffed 25: At Night, The Ice Weasels Come”

  1. Sticks As Playthings March 28, 2013 at 1:14 am #

    As the author of the Scary Beatles blog post, let me say that this is a bizarre and notorious honor. Also, yours is a strange and dedicated metaconcept for a blog. But I laughed, so that’s good. Keep it up?

    For the record- Have you heard “Revolution 9”? I basically invented a top-ten list just to get to that little nugget of terror.

    • averystrangeplace March 28, 2013 at 10:12 am #

      Naw, my Beatles education is woefully lack-lustre. I just enjoy the idea of stapling a Halloween mask on Ringo. I’m pretty sure he deserves it.

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