10 Things Too Awesome To Actually Exist

20 Apr

HeyeverybodyIjustatewaytoomuchsugarandmescalineandmyheartisbeating waytoofastletsgettoday’spostdone RIGHT NOW.

Okay… okay, give me a second, I need to breath.



NUMBER TEN: A machine that would allow me to create my own dreams! Plus, it could let me share dreams with other people! NO I WOULDN’T USE IT FOR DREAMSEX GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER.

Or, possibly, invite me IN the gutter!

It looks nice.

NUMBER NINE: Wings! Human wings! Everybody likes wings! We could wing over here, wing over there, WE COULD WING EVERYWHERE!

Wingwingwingwing. Yeah, that word has lost all meanings.

NUMBER EIGHT: A utility belt, only instead of batarangs… IT HAS BOW TIES.

You may now pick your jaws off the floor.

NUMBER SEVEN: A gauntlet that lets you manipulate fire with your mind! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH MONEY I COULD SAVE ON FIREWORKS?!

(If you answered “yes”, have a cookie. I would also accept “faster”, or “where’s the party”.)

(On a side note, I either need more drugs or less. I forget how it works with me.)

This is my backyard. Maybe. Either that, or I found this picture on Google.

NUMBER SIX: That morphing cube from Animorphs! The ability to turn in to any animal would be well worth the price of admission!

(Wait, that includes birds. So, if this existed, I guess you wouldn’t need Number Nine. Feel free to scratch that one out with a Sharpie.)

NUMBER FOUR: My ideal Spider-Man trilogy! The first one would have Venom, the second one would have Scorpion, and the third one would have ScorpionVenom AND Carnage! TELL ME YOU WOULDN’T SEE THAT.

(If anybody finds Number Five, lemme know.)

NUMBER THREE: A cloning machine! That kind of things I would do with a clone would be either filthy, hilarious, or sociopathic. I forget which.

Maybe it’s ALL FOUR.

NUMBER TWO: Bioshock Infinite: The Musical! I loved Bioshock Infinite with every fibre of my being, but after seeing the insanely in-depth and awesome story, a musical based on the story would make my brain blow itself, then it would resurrect itself JUST SO IT COULD BLOW ITSELF AGAIN.

(Listen to this song I found and tell me I’m wrong!)

NUMBER THREE: A cloning machine! That kind of things I would do with a clone would be either filthy, hilarious, or sociopat- wait a second. I did this already.

What number am I on again?

Oh right! Number One.

NUMBER ONE: The Doctor!

(Why yes, I am putting this on the list solely in the hope that he’ll spring in to existence and take me as his companion, WHAT OF IT?!)

Plus, I would hang with Clara Oswin Oswald! I SEE NO MINUSES HERE.

now if youll excuse me i need to sleep forever now arglefarglebloooooo.

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