Freshly Riffed 30: There’s Blood On The Bed, But Here In My Head, I’m Feeling Fine

30 Apr

Welcome back to Freshly Riffed, the only web series co-written by me, GLaDOS, Nicolas Cage, and a bowl of inanimate mush.

I would SO watch a TV show about this.

I would SO watch a TV show about this.

According to that Hermione/Bellatrix sex tape I saw, Freshly Riffed is where I make fun of the titles of Freshly Pressed blog posts. Also, I did not know a wand could bend that way.

Each title will be linked to the original author, because the bowl of mush demanded it. (He is such a drama queen.) If you are one of said authors, you know the drill; All mockery is for mockery’s sake only.


One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Treasure: No, one man’s trash is another man’s garbage golem.

Another Day Under The Sea: The first man to make a Little Mermaid reference dies

When People Kill People, Does It Matter Why?: Obviously you’ve never read a Shell Scott novel.

“And the award for ‘Most Obscure Detective Novel Reference’ goes to… Erik! Also, boobs.”

Taking The Plunge: Yeah, anal sex is a bitch.

The Abstraction Of The Frontier And The Heroes That Define It: OH GOD PRETENTIOUSNESS REACHING LETHAL LEVELS!


Separating The Art From The Artist: We have spatulas for that now!

There’s A Metaphor In There Somewhere: Oh, so THAT’S what they put in cereal boxes nowadays!

Investing In The Surreal World: Invesssssting, in the surureal world, I am a surureal girl!

(Why yes, I chose the Sesame Street version instead of the Madonna one. WHAT OF IT?!)

I Want A Handsome Butler: I’d prefer some handsome butter.

Absent The Messenger: It’s difficult to shoot the messenger when he doesn’t show up.

“Don’t shoot till you see the… wait, where did he go?”

4 Responses to “Freshly Riffed 30: There’s Blood On The Bed, But Here In My Head, I’m Feeling Fine”

  1. dreguan May 3, 2013 at 4:26 pm #

    What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little hack? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Writer’s Craft, and I’ve been involved in numerous posts on on blogging sites, and I have over 300 confirmed comments. I am trained in witty comebacks and I’m the top wordsmith in the entire internet blogosphere. You are nothing to me but just another troll. I will rebut your comments with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of bloggeurs (sic.) across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your blog. You’re fucking unfollowed, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can injure you with my words in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just typing with one hand. Not only am I extensively trained in satirical writing, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Webster’s dictionary and Thesaurus 6th ed. and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” post was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking warned, kiddo.


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