2 May

Dear people of the internet; Are you lonely? Miserable? Incompetent? Looking for a porn site you can visit without people freaking out when they see your internet history? I CAN HELP!

Just swing on down to Omegle, and I will help with any and all issues for only 99.99 an hour! Do you need to discuss your personal problems to somebody who’ll pretend to care? I’m your man!

Do you need to kill time while your two more interesting friends sit in the corner making out? Dial me up!

Do you need somebody to pretend to be a teenage girl so you can work out your kink in a legal (yet still fucking creepy) way? I can fulfil your (still fucking creepy) wishes!

Just keep in mind; I will never, EVER actually care what you’re saying.

Call now!

(No, I don’t actually have a phone. No, I DON’T know how you’re supposed to call me. No questions, damn it, no questions!)


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