Love Like Batman

5 May

[I spend a lot of time saying horrible, filthy, insulting, and degrading things, so I thought I’d even that out today with something embarrassingly sappy and saccharine! God help my soul.]

[Also, this was originally a song, but I hate writing songs. And then it was a poem, but I don’t feel like rhyming. So, it’s a poem that doesn’t rhyme or have any semblance of rhythm.]

[That still counts, right?]

Some people say they’d catch a grenade for love.

That they’d throw themselves in to the air and protect you from the explosion with the meatier parts of their face.

But that’s not me.

Some people say they’d jump in front of a train for love.

That they’d toss themselves at you, and knock you from those train tracks that you were standing on for some utterly bizarre reason.

But that’s still not me.

Some people say they’d never sleep a wink for love.

That they’d stay up till the dawn of a new day, talking with you, giving you company and a shoulder to lean on, without thinking, even for a moment, about themselves.

But that’s not me, either.

Because see, I’m not the best.

I’m not the fastest, or the strongest, or the prettiest, or the most charismatic.

But I’m smart.

Because, you see, love isn’t some kind of fucking binary choice system. There will always be that third option.

Like Batman, for instance. He’d find that third option.

I will love you like Batman.

If somebody tells me to shoot you to save the day, I will punch them in the face and save the day anyways. Because I’m Batman. If somebody holds two buses of orphans over a cliff, I’ll save both. Because I’m Batman. If somebody gives me and you a deadly poison with only one vial of antidote, I’ll make another antidote, because fuck you, I’m Batman.

When life assails us with the slings and arrows of troubles, I will not rest until I find that third option.

If they throw a grenade, a tennis racquet works just as well.

If a train is speeding towards you with reckless abandon, telling you to “get the hell off that railroad track” works just as well.

It’s like they say; Work smarter, not harder.

I will love you smarter.

Not harder.

Because that’s me.

(But seriously, if you try that freaking “stay up till the dawn of a new day, talking with you” bullcrap, I will cut your legs off at the knee and beat you with the wet end. That is just NOT COOL.)

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