I’ve Spied Worse Things In My Time

6 May

On my list of “Most Depressing Things To Do In Your Spare Time”, hanging out on Omegle’s Spy Mode (which allows me to answer questions posed by random people) just so you could write a post would HAVE to be in the top two. (Number one is “Watching A Uwe Boll Movie”.)

I should really review a Uwe Boll movie one of these days. Oh well, put that in my “To Do” pile.

Ahem.

I don’t think that when Abraham Lincoln set the black slaves free, he intended for them to convert white ladies to white trash booty shaking sluts.

Wow, you are just a triple-word score of offensiveness.

Bill Nye the Science Guy Bill Nye the Science Guy Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill Bill Nye the Science Guy (Science rules) Bill Nye the Science Guy (Inertia is a property of matter) Bill, Bill, Bi

If that song is not playing in your head, then you have no soul.

tell a good reason to be alive?

Well, I’m frakking adorable. There’s one.

Seriously. Look at that.

Seriously. Look at that.

ur a looser

Yeah, but I got a tight end.

What would you do if you could swap genders for a day?

I’d take advantage of the fact that people aren’t allowed to hit girls, and punch every motherfucker I know in the jaw.

is rape ever okay?: It is if it’s Elmer Fudd and Porky Pig!

What?

It’s a George Carlin reference! Stop looking at me like that!

This was the Google Image result for “stop looking at me like that”. I’m confused.

please dont disconnect, this is for a survey: ass, boobs, both, or other (please specify)?

“Please don’t disconnect”? You don’t know how this works, do you.

Why does it feel so weird dating an asian boy from Asia who is familiar with Eastern customs and culture if you’re a white girl?

Because of an ancient gypsy curse I placed on your family.

(Sorry about that, by the way.)

Who has tits and yahoo messenger? Yahoo knows me as daddylovesallgirls

No, Yahoo knows you as “That Creepy Jackass I Placed SEVERAL Restraining Orders Against”.

how do i tell my best friend i’ve liked him for two years.. he has a girlfriend too

Telling things to a guy is simple!

Step One: Figure out what you’re going to say.

Step Two: Dumb it down.

Step Three: Dumb it down some more.

Step Four: Dumb it down to the point that you could describe it to a dead man, and he’d still understand enough to describe it do a mentally deficient bunny.

Step Five: Maybe get some cue cards.

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