Freshly Riffed 32: If You Haven’t Noticed, They’ve Infected Everything

13 May

Welcome back to Freshly Riffed, the only web series with enough firearms to conquer Malaysia, and enough common sense to conquer a thimble.

In our defence, that thimble was totally asking for it.

According to That Giant Spider At The End Of All Reality Who Gobbles Up Time Itself (trademark pending), Freshly Riffed is where I make fun of the titles of Freshly Pressed blog posts. Also, somebody should probably get a dimensionally transcendental can of bug spray.

Each title will be linked to the original author, and remember; All mockery is for mockery’s sake only. Taking it seriously will result in fatigue, depression, nausea, and heartburn. Do not take if pregnant, or may become pregnant. If erections last more than five hours, please consult a physician.

Ahem.

Day 56, In Which We Wrestle With Moral & Ethical Questions: “Also, we ate some cookies.”

Bioshock Infinite Is A Metacommentary On The Nature Of Video Game Storytelling: What’s that? You mentioned Bioshock: Infinite? Quick! Break out the picture of Bruce Willis as Elizabeth!

I'm pretty sure Bruce Willis doesn't look that good in a dress.

Ooooh, yessss.

God Says No: Yeah, but God likes playing hard to get.

Assembly Required: Now, that’s not a very nice thing to say about your kid!

Fertilized By Lies, I Grew Into A Cynical Plant: So… you’re saying you were fertilized with bullcrap?!

BUH DUM TSH.

A Hallway Full Of Doors: “What’s on the other side of this door?”

“Another door, sir.”

“And… on the other side of that one?”

“More doors, sir.”

“This is an entire hallway of doors, isn’t it.”

“Pretty much. Good luck on finding the keys, sir.”

Through The Door: What, is it “Door Week” around here?

Wrong Door: ENOUGH WITH THE DOORS ALREADY.

I’ll give you a five minute head start, door.

R.I.P. Ray Harryhausen: Well, sure, he’s dead now, but I’ll give him ten minutes till he turns in to a stop-motion skeleton.

Four Team Building Games (To Confuse And Anger Children): “Game One: Light them on fire.”

“Game Two: Tell them Santa is real, but only if they punch themselves in the face.”

“Game Three: Hand them a box of hand puppets and ask them to explain sex.”

“Game Four: Make them sit through the entirety of 4chan, Clockwork Orange style.”

(Okay, admittedly, that last one isn’t much of a game. More of a war crime.)

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4 Responses to “Freshly Riffed 32: If You Haven’t Noticed, They’ve Infected Everything”

  1. mrsgigijones May 20, 2013 at 12:43 pm #

    interesting.

    • averystrangeplace May 20, 2013 at 12:50 pm #

      Um. Thank you, I think? I can’t tell if that’s a compliment or not.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Daily Riffed | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - May 15, 2013

    […] please, I’m all about creativity the time! It’s not like I’ve ever done a post specifically designed to gain as many readers as possible! Hell, it’s not like that’s exactly what I’m doing right […]

  2. Freshly Riffed 36: But I See By The Look On Her Face, If I Keep My Mouth Shut, I’ll Save Some Time | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - June 10, 2013

    […] the only webseries with wow, that’s a long title. I mean, seriously. I know I’ve taken to naming these things after Jonathan Coulton lyrics, but still. That’s too much, even for […]

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