Daily Riffed

15 May

Man, I don’t know what it is, I just can’t get writing today. Maybe it’s because I ate too much, maybe it’s the fact that I can’t stop playing Crash Course 2, maybe it’s the fact that I wrenched the hell out of my arms. (Which ruins the hell out of my future masturbation plans, by the way.)

I mean, I’ve been trying to do the old standards, like the “go to The Daily Post, that thing that WordPress does that offers ‘prompts’ for what to write about, and then I mock them incessantly” routine, but it’s just not working. Say… what’s that say on the bottom of the prompts?

Pingbacks are always enabled; if you link to the prompt post on your blog, a link to your post will appear in the list below the prompt.”?

Heh… heh heh… heh heh heh… HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

VIEW COUNTS HERE I COME!

Interview your favorite fictional character.

I can’t interview a fictional character.

Because, you know. He’s fictional.

Get with the program, WordPress.

We’re all very disapointed in you, WordPress.

Over the weekend, we explored different ways to love. Today, tell us about the most unconventional love in your life. Photographers, share a photo that says unconventional. 

Wait, “we explored different ways to love”?! What the fuck did you do this weekend?!

Today is Mother’s Day in the United States. Wherever in the world you are, write your mother a letter. Photographers, share a photo that says mothering.

“Dear Mother; If you make me watch one more Darren Lynn Bousman film, I’ll revert you to component particles and feed you to the Roomba.”

We each have many types of love relationships — parents, children, spouses, friends. And they’re not always with people; you may love an animal, or a place. Is there a single idea or definition that runs through all the varieties of “love”?

I’m going to go with “prosecutable”.

Language evolves. The meaning of a word can shift over time as we use it differently — think of “cool,” “heavy,” or even “literally.” Today, give a word an evolutionary push: give a common word a new meaning, explain it to us, and use it in the title of your post.

Man, I’ve already ruined enough things with my mere proximity. Do you really want to add “the entire English language” to that list?

Number one on that list is “sex”.

When you gaze out your window — real or figurative — do you see the forest first, or the trees?

I see a really creepy guy with a trench coat on his back, a video camera in his hand, and a hand down his pants.

Tell us about a time where everything you’d hoped would happen actually did.

I can’t; court order.

Give your newer sisters and brothers-in-WordPress one piece of advice based on your experiences blogging. If you’re a new blogger, what’s one question you’d like to ask other bloggers?

If you say “blog” one more time, I’m going to shove my boot so far up your ass, you’ll be coughing up aglets.

What’s the most significant secret you’ve ever kept? Did the truth ever come out?

WordPress blurs the line between “helpful assistant” and “creepy stalker”.

Yes, I’m spoiling you with images today. Enjoy it.

Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?

The glass is half [CENSORED], and half clichéd.

How do you communicate differently online than in person, if at all? How do you communicate emotion and intent in a purely written medium?

Racism and fart noises, basically.

Turn to your co-workers, kids, Facebook friends, family — anyone who’s accessible — and ask them to suggest an article, an adjective, and a noun. There’s your post title! Now write.

You’re… you’re kinda bossy, WordPress. Do I need a safe word for this post, or should I just try and dodge the whip?

To what extent is your blog a place for your own self-expression and creativity vs. a site designed to attract readers? How do you balance that? If sticking to certain topics and types of posts meant your readership would triple, would you do it?

Oh, please, I’m all about creativity the time! It’s not like I’ve ever done a post specifically designed to gain as many readers as possible! Hell, it’s not like that’s exactly what I’m doing right now!

*cough*

Wow, this got awkward fast.

 

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6 Responses to “Daily Riffed”

  1. aliceatwonderland May 16, 2013 at 6:27 am #

    I love this. I’m glad I’m not the only one who looks at the prompts with snark.

  2. lilypup March 14, 2015 at 6:46 pm #

    Thank you for this. I needed some comic relief. (No, not that kind of relief!) http://lilypupslife.wordpress.com/

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