Freshly Riffed 35: Ten Times An Hour, You’ll Wish It Dead

4 Jun

Welcome back to Freshly Riffed, the only web series that crosses the line between “paparazzi” and “gynecologist”.

It’s an easy mistake to make.

According to that casually racist guy over at the bus stop, Freshly Riffed is where I make fun of the titles of Freshly Pressed blog posts. Also, apparently all Dutchmen are clockwork monstrosities. Who knew?

Each title will be linked to the original author, and remember; All mockery is for mockery’s sake only. And all smockery is for smockery’s sake only, but that is beside the point.

Ahem.

Is Homosexuality A “Handicap”?: Only if you buttfuck your kneecaps off.

Fear And Trembling At The School Talent Show: “Fortunately, my talent was ‘fear and trembling’ so it was fine.”

But What Is It That I Want?: Are you seriously going to ask me what you want, what you really really want?

Mars? Nope…: Great, so science has taken to taunting people? “You thought we were going to Mars? Hah hah hah no.”

What Al-Qaeda Taught Me About The Frailty Of Loyalty: Namely, that you can take out loyalty’s kneecaps with a pipe wrench.

Reconstructing The Past: “Two years ago; A time frame, barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild it. We have the technology.”

“We have the capability to make the world’s first bionic time period. Two years ago will be that time period.”

“Past-ier than it was before.”

“Past-ier. Timelier. Less present-ier.

Beneath The Red Pants: Superman Deconstructed: Oh please, we all know what’s beneath the red pants.

What Is Happening In Istanbul?: I dunno, is it Istanbul, or Constantinople?

The End Is Beginning: [Insert dramatic piano riff here.]

Do I Look Like A Baby Killer?: Lets face it, we all look like baby killers. There is nothing easier to kill than a baby.

Seriously, babies. Get it together, man. Seriously.

One Response to “Freshly Riffed 35: Ten Times An Hour, You’ll Wish It Dead”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Freshly Riffed 36: But I See By The Look On Her Face, If I Keep My Mouth Shut, I’ll Save Some Time | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - June 10, 2013

    […] back to Freshly Riffed, the only webseries with wow, that’s a long title. I mean, seriously. I know I’ve taken to naming these things after Jonathan Coulton lyrics, but still. That’s […]

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