“Who Knows? Maybe Being Aborted Is Really Fun!”

12 Jun

[Editor’s Note: The following is a conversation I had on Omegle while attempting to gather information for a post. If any part of this offends you, I would like you to know: it fucking offends me too.]

Question to discuss: Wouldn’t it be cool if omegle was actually used for intelligent discourse and broadening one’s horizons?
Stranger: That’s what I use it for.

You: MADNESS. MADNESS AND SLANDER.

Stranger: Or attempt to use it for.

You: Wait, has that ever actually worked?

Stranger: Deep conversations?

Stranger: Yeah.

Stranger: Just finished having an hour long chat about love.

Stranger: haha

You: Ooh! Did you come up with some kind of deep conclusion? Did you discover that Love is “don’t hurt me, no more”?

Stranger: I helped to better explain my side upon initial opposition.

Stranger: So not so much a deep conclusion on my side.

You: The last time I tried something like that, the guy told me that “all women are evolutionarily raped in to being sluts”.

[Editor’s Note: That is not a joke. I actually have the entire conversation saved on my email, and one of these days, I’ll share it with you. Trust me, it’s worth it.]

You: So, yeah.

Stranger: I’ll paste what my other tab is right now… It’s a question for people to discuss…..

Stranger: Here it is…

Stranger: <5% of abortions occur because of RAPE and HEALTH RELATED RISKS (NAF). Rape and abortion share this in common. Both are acts of violent assault against an innocent victim. Agree Y/N? Thoughts?

Stranger: Not done with the intent to incite and argument but for people to think about things.

[Editor’s Note: Wait, we’re talking about abortion now? Jesus, that was such a break neck conversation turn, I think you gave me whiplash.]

You: …

Stranger: NAF is the national abortion federation

Stranger: a pro-choice org.

Stranger: Just nice to hear peoples view who actually discuss it

Stranger: instead of instant disconnects

You: You just compared a woman making a choice about her body to rape, of all things.

Stranger: No not at all.

[Editor’s Note: Yes. Yes you did. You can’t just retcon the fucking conversation. I can scroll up, you know.]

You: I think I’d prefer if you actually WERE trying to incite argument.

Stranger: What I compared was the act of rape to the act of abortion

Stranger: One, assault against a woman. The other, assault against the unborn child.

Stranger: Not saying rape and abortion are equals. Simply that in this aspect, they are similar. I hold the belief that all life is valuable. Instances of rape/health risks are the main point, at least from what I’ve heard for the “need” for abortion. The fact that they comprise a very small fraction of total abortions is the issue for me. From an argumentative standpoint.

You: Just a question: Are you a woman? Because if this was coming from a man, I just might have to castrate you with a blender.

Stranger: I am.

You: Coolio. Have you ever been raped?

Stranger: No, I haven’t. Have you?

You: Nope. Have you ever been an aborted fetus?

[Editor’s Note: Hey, it’s a legitimate question.]

Stranger: Well, I think that’s obvious. However, there are some cases where aborted fetuses were found and someone saved them bc they were clearly alive.

You: I think they’re doing it wrong. “Hey doctor, is this baby dead?” “Eh, who cares. TOSS IT ON THE PILE!”

Stranger: I am glad that Dr. Kermit Gosnell finally got what he deserved. Familiar with the case?

[Editor’s Note: Hello, random conversational change because you didn’t like what I was saying. How are you?]

You: Nope, and I have the strangest feeling that you’re about to enlighten me.

Stranger: Ha. I can give you a brief synopsis I guess.

You: I’ll be waiting with a Muppet reference.

Stranger: [Editor’s Note: She gave a URL here, but I am NOT sharing it. Trust me, you aren’t missing anything.]

Stranger: Ha. No such reference haha.

Stranger: There’s a little bit relating to his workers.

Stranger: In short, he was a physician who ran an abortion clinic. He is being charged with multiple accounts of murder for “botched abortions”

Stranger: Interestingly enough though, “botched abortions” meaning he killed the child afterwards is called murder, and apparently, abortions are not. Like the birth canal is some magical passageway that grants an individual human rights.

[Editor’s Note: Obviously! Birth canals are like wardrobes to Narnia!]

Stranger: That’s my issue I guess.

Stranger: *just re-read the Muppet line. I thought you said a reference from me. I didn’t get it. What’s the reference? haha

[Editor’s Note: Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me.]

You: Dr. Kermit? Come on! It’s so obvious! “It’s not easy, being green. To murder babies the colours of the leaves!”

Stranger: Ah.

Stranger: Got it.

Stranger: haha

You: “It’s time to start abortions! It’s time to grab the knives! It’s time to murder babies on the Muppet Show tonight!”

[Editor’s Note: I am so going to hell.]

Stranger: Anyways. It should be interesting to also note that 96% of 2nd trimester abortions are performed using dilatation and evacuation (dismemberment and vacuuming)

Stranger: Once again, from the National Abortion Federation.

Stranger: Actually correction, Centers for Disease Control

Stranger: my bad.

[Editor’s Note: Hey, was that SUBTLETY?! Congrats, you get a cookie.] 

You: Well, it’s nice that they vacuum up afterwards. Gotta keep that vagina clean!

You: Actually, that sounds really uncomfortable.

You: Talk about a dust bunny!

You: BUH DUM TSH.

Stranger: All kidding aside, it is a problematic, serious issue, is it not?

You: I dunno. Not my place to say. I ain’t got a vagina, lady.

Stranger: It’s everyone’s place to say. It is humanity’s place to say.

You: Besides, who knows? Maybe being aborted is really fun!

[Editor’s Note: I mean, hey. You never hear of an abortion growing up to be a rapist, is all I’m saying.]

Stranger: Being from Europe, I understand you do not share the same sentiments as myself.

You: Wait, who here is from Europe?

Stranger: Myself.

You: Ah! Yes, I’m one of those godless, Canadian heathens.

You: (Is that how Canada works?)

Stranger: You see, this is the problems I encounter when having deep insightful conversations on Omegle.

Stranger: Have a good night.

[Editor’s Note: Oh, so you’re getting bitchy now? Gee, I’m sorry, Miss “I Have Nothing To Do With My Free Time Except Scream About Dead Babies On The Internet Like A Pedophile With An Alarmingly Specific Fetish”. I’ll try to be more receptive to your blatant shock tactics in the future.]

You: Wait!

Stranger: or evening there I guess.

You: I have to tell you something!

Stranger: Yes?

Stranger: -___-

[Editor’s Note: You’re using emoticons now? Just… fuck you.]

You: I’m actually here on Omegle grabbing material for my website, A Very Strange Place! So say hi to the forty people everyday who will be getting the digital equivalent of a giant sign saying “this lady is a jackass”!

Stranger has disconnected.

[Editor’s Note: If any of the previous post offended you, I am deeply sorry. Here, have some pictures of puppies.]

Look at how cute they are! The taxidermy really locks the cuteness in.

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