Daily Riffed 5: It’s Like A Kind Of Torture To Have To Watch This Show

28 Jun

Let’s try something new, everybody: Making fun of somebody who doesn’t deserve it!

I know, I know, it’s such a radical new direction!

To be specific, I’m mocking those Daily Prompts that WordPress supplies to writers who can’t think of something to write. And apparently I enjoy making fun of people who are just trying to help and I’m all alone and nobody likes me and OH GOD, DEBBIE! I MISS YOU!

Yeah, I’ve been drinking. So what?

Tell us a moment or an incident that you treasure  – not necessarily because it brought you happiness, but because it taught you something about yourself. Photographers, artists, poets: show us LEARNING.

Jesus, what am I, an After-School Special?

“We’ll be right back, after these messages!”

Is there a painting or sculpture you’re drawn to? What does it say to you? Describe the experience. (Or, if art doesn’t speak to you, tell us why.) Photographers, artists, poets: show us ART.

Well sure, art “speaks” to me, but he’s always asking for booze money!

“Hey hey hey, Erik.”

“What is it, art?”

“Dude, I’m fresh out of vodka, but Sharron’s coming over, so if you could lend me a few-”

“Look, I’m tired of you coming over every five minutes and pretending- wait, who the hell is Sharron?!”

“She’s a friend of Debbie’s!”

OH GOD, DEBBIE! I MISS YOU BABY!”

Erm. Okay, that got away from me.

You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, or car? (Or something else entirely — bike? Hot air balloon?) Photographers, artists, poets: show us TRAVEL.

I travel entirely via 80’s music montages!

Do you belong in this day and age? Do you feel comfortable being a citizen of the 21st-century? If you do, explain why — and if you don’t, when in human history would you rather be? Photographers, artists, poets: show us MODERN.

The twist ending is that WordPress is actually FROM THE FUTURE!

Where do your morals come from — your family? Your faith? Your philosophical worldview? How do you deal with those who don’t share them, or derive them from a different source? Photographers, artists, poets: show us THE SOURCE.

Morals?

Heh… heh heh… heh heh hah hah hah HAH HAH HAH HAH HAAAAAAAAAH!

Oh wait, you were serious? Okay, lemme laugh even harder.

HAH HAH HAH HAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

We all have something we’d like to write about, but that doesn’t really “fit” our blog. Write it anyway. Photographers, artists, poets: show us MISFIT.

Fine, I’ll show you a “misfit”, but if you bring up the Island of Misfit Toys, I’m leaving.

"Nobody wants to play with a Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarlie in the box!"

“Nobody wants to play with a Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarlie in the box!”

If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why? Photographers, artists, poets: show us NO.

“Eric”.

What? Look, I’m tired of people misspelling my name!

Tell us a joke! Knock-knock joke, long story with a unexpected punchline, great zinger — all jokes are welcome! Photographers, artists, poets: show us FUNNY.

You want a “joke”, eh? Nope, sorry. We ain’t got no jokes here. Maybe you want the place down the street?

Describe a moment of kindness, between you and someone else — loved one or complete stranger. Photographers, artists, poets: show us KINDNESS.

Well, there was that time the barista forgot to spit in my coffee! Ah yes, I’ll always remember that day. I call it, “Wait, Since When Do Drink Coffee?”.

Often, our blogs have taglines. But what if humans did, too? What would your tagline be? Photographers, artists, poets: show us ADVERTISING.

I’m fairly certain my “tagline” would just be one of those Biohazard stickers.

There we go.

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6 Responses to “Daily Riffed 5: It’s Like A Kind Of Torture To Have To Watch This Show”

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