Freshly Riffed 40: Pretty Sure I Won’t Be Coming In Today

8 Jul

Welcome to a very special edition of Freshly Riffed, the only web series EVER. See, today is my mother’s birthday, and if you don’t wish her a happy birthday down in the comment section, I will personally track you down and shove a curling iron down your vulva, and if you don’t have a vulva, I’ll make one.

Is… is that fucking rimmed?!

According to the punk rock band I’ve been shadowing for the last few weeks, Freshly Riffed is where I make fun of the titles of Freshly Pressed blog posts. Also, they’re not sharing any of their cocaine! Teeeeeeeeeacher!

Each title will be linked to the original author, and remember; All mockery is for mockery’s sake only.


Fear, Bravery, And Hereditary Breast Cancer

*spit take*

Why We Know What Freedom Is (And You May Not)

Oh, crap, it’s Freedom Hipsters! Quick, hide all you bald eagle scarves and Freedom Day stretch pants!

The Video That Reminds Me Why I’m Sober

Hey, fuck you, my video review wasn’t that bad!

The Beginning Of The End

Oh honey, it’s certainly the beginning of my end.

[Insert sexy ass shaking here.]

First Vertical Attempt

Icarus has apparently taken up blogging!

An Altogether Amazing Story

Dammit, stop trying to review your post in the title! If it worked that way, I’d name all of my posts, “It’s Better Than Sex”.

Chang Chang Chang

Oh god.

This just got… changerous.

(That’s how I enter rooms.)

The Facebook Generation

If anybody tries to book my face, I’m going to tweet them through a solid my space until their yahoo is on my you tube.

(I have no fucking idea what that means.)

Abdel Fattah al-Sisi Doesn’t Care About My Face

More like… YOUR MOM!


“Cheesy Garlic All Stars”

Sounds like a breakfast cereal!

“The Cheesy Garlic All Stars; a nutritious part of this complete Italian stereotype!”

7 Responses to “Freshly Riffed 40: Pretty Sure I Won’t Be Coming In Today”

  1. Jacob Janzen King of the Mountain Goats July 9, 2013 at 12:17 am #

    Happy Birthday Erik’s Mom.

  2. typinginmynotebook July 9, 2013 at 4:08 am #

    Happy Birthday to your mum.

  3. Laura P. Schulman July 9, 2013 at 9:12 am #

    Heh heh. My end is bigger than your end.

  4. Tim Hurley July 10, 2013 at 10:26 pm #

    A thousand pardons for not wishing your mother a happy birthday in a more timely manner. Please, -please- do not make a vulva out of me.

  5. Bob Bonsall July 12, 2013 at 2:15 pm #

    Wait, is it still your mom’s birthday?

    Happy belated birthday?

    Put down the curling iron, Erik. We can discuss this like reasonable bloggers.

    Look, is that some sort of demonic duck?

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