Swimming In The (Dead) Pool

4 Aug

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s finally time I got my hands on a copy of the latest and greatest game of all time… Deadpool!

(Actually, both those points are contestable, but shut up, it makes a pithy opener.)

No, PURPLE is what awesome looks like!

Now, Deadpool the game is a comedy hack and slasher/platformer shooter. Deadpool the character, meanwhile, is a little harder to nail down. He’s an insane, ultra violent, immortal Canadian mercenary. He’s like a modern day Bugs Bunny, and he can even see through the fourth wall-

HEY WHAT ARE WE DOING GUYS.

Oh, jesus fucking christ.

ARE WE TALKING ABOUT MY GAME ‘CAUSE THAT’S COOL.

No, no, NO, we are NOT breaking the fourth wall, jackass! Get the fuck out and let me finish this review in peace!

OH COME ON IT’LL BE FINE I CAME UP WITH THIS GREAT BIT WHERE ME YOU AND THE EDITOR BANTER BACK AND FOURTH-

[Editor’s Note: Ooh, now I’m curious.]

YOU FUCK OFF TOO!

AWW COME ON WHY CAN’T I PLAY I PROMISE I WON’T KILL ANYONE EXCEPT YOUR SECRETARY I GUESS UNLESS YOU KNOW OF A WAY TO UNKILL SOMEBODY.

I do not break the fourth wall here- wait, secretary? I have a secreta- oh, dammit, you killed Avery! Do you have any idea how high the insurance premiums are on something like this?

COME ON LET’S REVIEW THE GAME TALK ABOUT THE BOSS FIGHTS AND THE WRITING AND THE AWESOME HAMMERS AND THE-

You know what, Dickpool? No, I’m shutting this fucking review down!

Take THAT, you fourth wall breaking ass!

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