Madhere: Part Fifteen

5 Aug

(For the first story arc of Madhere, click here. For parts Eleven TwelveThirteen, or Fourteen, click here.)

“So, who tickles your fancy?” asked Darren brightly. “Other than your fifteen shots of moonshine, which… wow, I didn’t even think that was possible.”

“I dunno.” Lilah sighed. “They all look so tasty.”

“Try to avoid actually tasting them.”

“I make no promises.”

Nestled in the dark corner of the Horrible Mistake, Lilah and Darren sat and observed the bar’s patronage. And, occasionally, they got up to get more moonshine, but they wouldn’t be doing that any more, because the bartender had judged the duo a fire hazard if they drank any more.

“Well, how about the bartender?” suggested Darren. “She seemed nice.”

“Bleh. Too happy. If I wanted to fuck something with a cartoonish grin, I’d draw Mr. Sardonicus on my vibrator.”

[Editor’s Note: Does… does anybody get that reference?]

Darren settled in to his chair and started examining every one in the Horrible Mistake with a vagina. Outwardly, he was grinning with manic glee. Inwardly, he was trying desperately not to cry about sending his crush in to some woman’s arms. Also inwardly, he was wasted on moonshine, but that’s besides the point.

“Ooh, how about her?” Darren pointed at a tall goth woman, riddled with piercings and tattoos, who was savouring her absinthe while eyeing the bar with a predatory glare. “That many piercings, you know she’s gotta be in to some kinks! Or maybe a metal detector.”

“Oh my.” Lilah spied her, and mentally licked her lips. Than she physically licked her lips. “I do have a thing for goths…”

Before Lilah could build up the courage to go say “hi”, immediately followed by “let’s have a frankly unreasonable amount of sex”, an equally tall goth woman walked over to her and began tongue thumping.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” sighed Lilah.

“Ooh, clit blocked!” whistled Darren. “Well, how about her?” He gestured to a gaunt woman in a turtle neck, nonchalantly leaning against the wall.

“Maybe.” frowned Lilah. “But… I dunno, there’s just something about her.”

As they watched, the woman casually pulled down her turtle neck and scratched her adam’s apple.

“And there it is.” groaned Lilah. “Bleh, I need more moonshine. Or gasoline. Whichever’s closer.”

Darren lightly punched her shoulder. “Hey, don’t give up so easily! What about her?” The ‘her’ in question was leaning over the bar, showing off an ass that’d make an angel cry, and then smack it.

Before Lilah could say anything, the ‘her’ suddenly let out a strangled yelp. She jumped up, took three steps to the nearest garbage can, and started vomiting profusely. She missed the can.

“Jesus!” hooted Darren. “She drank more than we did! Which, considering the fact that I’m pretty sure our blood is jet fuel at this point, is really fucking impressive.”

Oh god, this is hopeless!” Lilah slammed her head in the table. “I’m never gonna find a girl! I might as well just give up and start fucking guys!”

“Wait, is that an option?” started Darren. “Because, if you really needed to, you could always borrow my c-”

“You!” Lilah suddenly shouted at two passing blonds. “One of you fuck me!”

“Ew!” yelled one of them.

“We’re not, like, gay! Why the hell would you think we’re gay?!” shouted the other.

“You… you do realize you’re in a gay bar, right?” frowned Darren.

“What? Oh, crap!” The two immediately ran for the exit.

Lilah slumped in her chair. “New plan: You kill me and leave me for the local necrophiliacs. It’s clearly the only way anybody’s gonna touch me.”

“I’d really rather not have to do that again.”




5 Responses to “Madhere: Part Fifteen”


  1. Madhere: Part Sixteen | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - August 7, 2013

    […] the first story arc of Madhere, click here. For parts Eleven , Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, or Fifteen, […]

  2. Madhere: Part Seventeen | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - August 11, 2013

    […] the first story arc of Madhere, click here. For parts Eleven , Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, or Sixteen, […]

  3. Madhere: Part Eighteen | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - August 12, 2013

    […] the first story arc of Madhere, click here. For parts Eleven , Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, or Seventeen, […]

  4. Madhere: Part Nineteen | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - August 15, 2013

    […] the first story arc of Madhere, click here. For parts Eleven , Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, or Eighteen, […]

  5. Madhere: Part Twenty | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - August 17, 2013

    […] the first story arc of Madhere, click here. For parts Eleven , Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, or Nineteen, […]

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