(Freshly) Press Yourself

10 Aug

Look, if you had one shot, to make a parody, to seize everything you ever wanted, one moment. Would you capture it, or just let it slip?

Yo!

His keyboard’s sweaty, fingers weak, arms are heavy

There’s vomit on his track pad already, mom’s spaghetti

He’s nervous, but on his homepage he looks calm and ready to write bombs

But he keeps on forgettin’ what he’s gon’ write down,

The comments roar so loud

He opens his reply, but the words won’t come out

He’s choking, how, supposed to be joking now

The clock’s run out, time’s up, over, BLAOW!

Snap back to reality, OH, there goes gravity

OH, there goes Erik, he choked

He’s so sad, but he won’t give up that easy, no

He won’t have it, he knows his whole brain’s to these ropes

It don’t matter, he’s dope

He knows that but he’ll mope

He’s so stale, he knows

When he goes back to his WordPress home, that’s when it’s

Back to the lab again, yo

This whole rhapsody

He better Freshly Press this moment and hope it don’t pass him

You better lose yourself in the postin’

The momen’, you own it, you better never let it go (go)

You only get one shot, to get Pressed, put on a show

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo

You better lose yourself in the postin’

The momen’, you own it, you better never let it go (go)

You only get one shot, to get Pressed, put on a show

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo

(Yeah, sorry, he repeats the chorus twice.)

His soul’s escaping, through plot holes that are gaping

This WordPress is mine for the taking, make me king

As we move toward a new ‘Press order, a normal life is boring

But a humour writer’s close to post mortem

It only grows harder, then it grows duller

He blows it’s all over, these schmoes is all on him

Coast to coast posts, he’s known as the Globetrotter, lonely tabs

Thor only knows he’s grown farther from home, he’s no owner

He goes home and barely knows his own Roomba

But hold your nose cuz here goes the cold water

These schmoes don’t want him no mo’, he’s no author

They moved on to the next schmoe who scrolls

He nose dove and sold nada, so the soap opera is wrote, it unfolds

I suppose it’s old, partna, but the modem goes on

BLZTZLZZLZBBZLTBZLTBLRRRLBZT.

NOBODY LIKES YOU, MODEMS.

You better lose yourself in the postin’

The momen’, you own it, you better never let it go (go)

You only get one shot, to get Pressed, put on a show

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo

You better lose yourself in the postin’

The momen’, you own it, you better never let it go (go)

You only get one shot, to get Pressed, put on a show

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo

No more games, I’ma change what you do on stage

Tear this mothafuckin’ roof off like a squid hat raged

I was playin’ in the beginning, the mood assuaged

I been chewed up and spit out and locked in a cage

But I kept writin’ and stepped, writin’ the next cipher

Best believe somebody’s pimpin’ the pied piper

All the pain inside amplified by the fact

That I do not have a 9 to 5

And I can’t provide the right type of life for my Roomba

Cuz man, these goddamn food stamps don’t buy charga’s

And it’s no card game, there’s no Sky Dragon, Slifer, this is my life

And these times are so hard and it’s getting even harder

Tryin’ to feed and water my ‘bot, plus teeter-totter

Caught up between bein’ a writer and a robot charga

Roomba owna’ drama’s screamin’ on and too much for me to wanna

Circlin’ one spot, another day of monotony’s

Gotten me to the point I’m like a ‘bot

I’ve got to storyboard a new plot or end up in jail or shot

Madhere is my only mothafuckin’ option, failure’s not

You better lose yourself in the postin’

The momen’, you own it, you better never let it go (go)

You only get one shot, to get Pressed, put on a show

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo

You better lose yourself in the postin’

The momen’, you own it, you better never let it go (go)

You only get one shot, to get Pressed, put on a show

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo!

That… was… way too fun to write.

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2 Responses to “(Freshly) Press Yourself”

  1. Sam December 9, 2014 at 7:12 pm #

    great job E

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. I Have Failed | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - August 13, 2013

    […] going in to details, a day. It had hours. You know how it works. That’s when I uploaded (Freshly) Press Yourself, that Eminem […]

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