Freshly Riffed 44: Don’t Tell Me That You Didn’t Try And Check Out My Bum

10 Aug

Welcome back to Freshly Riffed, the only web series that has to be submerged in liquid nitrogen at all times to maintain absolute flavour!

Taste it! It tastes like SHAME.

According to the graffiti scrawled on every wind turbine ever, Freshly Riffed is where I make fun of the titles of Freshly Pressed blog posts. Also, wait, every turbine? There’s a conspiracy at work here! Quick, to the mystery mobile!

Each title will be linked to the original author, and remember; All mockery is for mockery’s sake only.

Ahem.

LOL At Tweets From @UnitedAirlanes

Did… did you just use an abbreviation in your title?

Get the fuck out.

The [Open] Letter To My Father That He Will Never Read

In retrospect, writing letters to blind people was not your best idea.

A Radical Reaction To Blog Commenters Who Hate Your Guts

Lucky bugger! At least you HAVE commenters. I’m stuck with a gang of spambots who keep trying to get me to smoke.

“Come on, robo-kid! All the cool electro-teens are doing it.”

Betcha Didn’t Know This About Baseballs

Oh, please, I know EVERYTHING about EVERYONE’S balls.

You heard me.

FjØrdShärks!

But, the question is, is that better or worse than a Sharknado? SCIENTISTS! FIGURE THAT OUT!

What Your Font Choice Says About You

S- shut up! I can’t change my font choice! I WAS BORN WITH IT! Oh god!

Finding Clarity With A Pitchfork And A Song

Switch “song” to a torch, and you’re speaking my language.

Yes, everything is black and white where I am. Canada’s weird like that.

What The Russians Left Behind

Acres upon acres of vodka soaked farmland, I suppose?

Doctor Who And The Christian Ethic

I swear, I am not a violent man, but if you associate my favourite science fiction show with yet another religion I know nothing about, I will sodomize you with your own barbed cock without removing it.

My Penis Girl

No. There’s no coming back from that.

NO.

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One Response to “Freshly Riffed 44: Don’t Tell Me That You Didn’t Try And Check Out My Bum”

  1. Miss Snarky Pants August 13, 2013 at 7:27 pm #

    Yeah, I saw the “My Penis Girl” headline and thought, Why would someone name his penis ‘Girl.’? That’s a terrible name for a cock. 😉

    BTW, I’m also an avid Whovian. Comparisons of Dr. Who and various world religions are inevitable because only the gods could have come up with something as brilliant as Dr. Who. (And yes, I’m going to miss Matt Smith so much!)

    Can I interest you in some smokes? Or Tommy Hilfiger knock-offs from China?

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