Madhere: Part Eighteen

12 Aug

(For the first story arc of Madhere, click here. For parts Eleven TwelveThirteenFourteenFifteen, Sixteen, or Seventeen, click here.)

Externally, Darren was standing perfectly still which, considering that he was still standing in the middle of the street. But internally, things were… a tad more interesting.

“Is he seriously just standing there?” asked a tiny Darren in a glimmering white toga and halo.

“Pretty much.” muttered the other figure. “Could we just hit him?”

“Not really.” sighed the Darren Angel. “We’re just figments of his imagination, and- are you a fucking girl?!”

The other figure was a tiny shapely woman, in a tight black dress, with long black hair and horn rimmed glasses. “What? You jealous?”

YES I’M FUCKING JEALOUS”. The Angel stomped his foot in thin air. “I’m stuck in this stupid toga and- oh my god, are these sandals? I AM WEARING FUCKING SANDALS HERE.”

“Oh, I totally know what you mean.” The Devil sighed. “I’m stuck with high heels! If I wasn’t a figment of this twat’s imagination, my feet would be KILLING ME.”

“Speaking of being in my imagination,” whispered Darren aloud. “Could we get on the topic at hand? There’s a bum over by the alley, and he keeps tonguing his knife.”

“Really, being mugged would be a shining point in your day so far.” With a flourish, the Angel produced a clipboard. “Let’s see… ah, yes! ‘Should We Save Lilah From Althea’! Then, at 2:30, cupcakes.”

“Where the fuck did you get that?” gasped the Devil. “I KNOW you have no pockets in that outfit.”

“Details!” snapped the Angel. “I don’t think we should bother saving Lilah, guys. I mean, getting her laid WAS the plan to begin with! If anything, we should go get her a ‘Glad You Got Fucked’ card.”

“They sell those?” whispered Darren.

“It’s cool, I know a guy.”

“I’m surprised, Angel!” interjected the Devil as she indulged her anti-gravity by spinning in place. “You’re usually the first one to stick your halo in somebody else’s vagina- er, business. ”

“I told you, that was an accident.” 

“We can’t let Lilah do this!” The Devil ignored him. “She was under so much influence, it was like The Princess And The Pea, only with her playing the pea! And isn’t it really, REALLY morally ambiguous to fuck someone THAT drunk?”

“I notice you’re very distinctly not mentioning that Darren wants to totally jump her bones.” observed the Angel dryly.

“I notice you’re very distinctly not sucking my cock.”

“You don’t have one!”

“Can you prove that?”

“You already know I can’t!”

“I win again! So, how are we rescuing her?” The Devil adjusted her glasses, for no reason other than the fact that Darren thought it was sexy.

“Since when did we decide?!” The Angel threw his hands up. “And even if we are going to rescue her, we can’t just burst in on two consensual lesbians! It’s really freaking creepy! And we’ll be banned from yet another gay bar!”

“When has that ever stopped us?!”

As Darren thought, he absently scratched at his neck. Man, why does this hurt so much? 

He scratched some more, feeling as his fingers ran across Althea’s bite marks.

Wait. Bite marks?

Darren stopped imagining the Angel and Devil, and immediately checked his shirt under his trademark sweater. He immediately started giggling.

Oh god, yes. This’ll work. This’ll work well.

“Hey, buddy? You okay?”

The bum with the knife had walked over to Darren with a concerned look on his face. Darren flashed a devilish smile.

“Fine, my good sir! Say, would you stab me over and over again with that knife for twenty bucks?”

“Sir, for a man like you, I’ll do it for free.”

END OF PART EIGHTEEN.

2 Responses to “Madhere: Part Eighteen”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Madhere: Part Nineteen | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - August 15, 2013

    […] click here. For parts Eleven , Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, or Eighteen, […]

  2. Madhere: Part Twenty | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - August 17, 2013

    […] click here. For parts Eleven , Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, or Nineteen, […]

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