Top 10 Horror Movie Trailers, Part Four

29 Aug

One day, somebody’s gonna have to explain the difference between a horror trailer, and a trailer with horror in it. I assume it has nothing to do with a whore-or trailer!

(Or, if you’re a Harry Potter fan, an Auror trailer.)

Don’t ask. Anyway, here are my next 10 favourite horror movie trailers.

Ahem!

Number 10: Hollow

Wow, really? A haunted tree?! Horror movies have officially stopped caring.

“Oh god, run! That tree is possessed by the DEVIL!”

“AHHHH! Does that mean it will follow us?”

“No, not really.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Number 9: Chimeres

Is… is that a French art film?

RUN FOR THE HILLS!

Number 8: 616: Paranormal Incident 

Oh great, a Paranormal Activity rip-off, that dresses up like a Grave Encounters rip-off, plays like an Asylum Tapes rip-off, acts like a 1313 rip-off, and with the fake boobs of every horror movie ever.

Oh, and it’s made by The Asylum.

Jesus fucking christ, it’s like a triple word score of “oh god no”.

Number 7: ANTISOCIAL

So wait, I’m confused. Is this movie trying to say that social networking is what spreads the zombie virus?

That makes way too much sense.

Number 6: Dark Feed

I- just- what?!

But- I don’t-

I will pay five dollars, no questions, to the man who never explains this trailer to me.

Number 5: The Frankenstein Theory

I would love to be a fly on the wall for this pitch meeting.

“So, here’s my idea for a new found footage movie: Frankenstein’s monster is roaming the frozen tundra, and a team of scientists and-”

“Get the fuck out.”

Number 4: Osombie

This is, by far, the dumbest, most insulting, most wretched scum I’ve ever seen! It’s horrible! Deplorable! Nightmarish! Everybody involved should stick their balls in a microwave, just so we don’t have to worry about their genetic material infecting the gene pool!

*bookmarked*

Number 3: Tasmanian Devils

Uh oh, a Syfy original movie? So, how long before the giant evil Tasmanian Devils get sucked in a tornado and dropped on California?

Actually, wow, that sounds amazing. “Tasmanianados!”. Tagline: “This time… it’s preposterous”.

Nah, I’m just kidding! This looks more like the gritty The Killer Shrews remake the world was APPARENTLY asking for! Either that, or Weasels Rip My Flesh finally got a budget.

Wow, there are a lot of evil rodent movies, aren’t there?

Number 2: Frankenstein’s Army

What’s that? Soviet Russians sneak in to Nazi Germany, only to find a factory full of monstrosities, carved together from human flesh and forced to fight for the glory of the Third Reich?

Holy hell, that summary was so fucking awesome, I think I need a cigarette now.

I swear, this is all I want from a horror movie! What else is a horror movie supposed to be?!

Number 1: Shadow People

Oh, right! I forgot that horror movies are supposed to be scary! 

Well now I just feel silly.

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One Response to “Top 10 Horror Movie Trailers, Part Four”

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  1. Powrót zabójczych ryjówek / Return Of The Killer Shrews (2012) DVDRiP XViD AC3-BiTo | BiGTEAM - September 9, 2013

    […] Top 10 Horror Movie Trailers, Part Four […]

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