Shopping For Asylums

10 Sep

“Hey, welcome to the store! How can I service you?”

“Hmm. Is oral sex out of the question?”

“Yeah, they made me take out the mouthwash weeks ago.”

“Darn. Well, I was just in for a movie!”

“Ooh, I’m not sure if we’ll have anything in your budget. Everything here is expensive, and with that cheap-ass sweater, I mean-”

“Hey! My hoodie is stylish AND dead sexy!”

Don’t even deny it, it’s true.

“Look, kid, I just don’t think we’ll have anything in your price range. So, how about you just get out-”

“Hey, is that an Asylum film?”

“… Y- yeah, I guess it is.”

“I wanna buy it!”

“Y- you want something like that?!”

“I’m a glutton for fucking punishment! Cash?”

“S- sure, cash would work. Do you want a bag to hide- I mean, carry that?”

“Nah, it’s cool, I’ll use it to pick up chicks! I think that’s about 5.65, and… oh darn! I’m 10 cents short.”

“Wait… wait, what do you mean?”

“I can’t afford it! Oh well. You can keep it!”

“Actually… y- yeah, you can take it.”

“Really?”

“YES. Just… just get it out of here.”

“O- okay, thanks, I guess! I’ll just take this, and… whoops. Where’s my wallet?”

“… Please, just FUCKING TAKE IT.”

“Erm. Okay? Are you sure you don’t want it-”

LEAVE.”

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