The Sixth Day Of Regretmas: A Very Silent Hill Christmas

18 Dec

On the sixth day of Regretmas, my true love gave to me:

Foggy town o’ monsters,

Storm of rhy-ming sharks!

Children-a-cultin’,

I’m such a dick,

Lasers and love,

And the first post that you’ve ev – er seen!

Welcome back to Regretmas, and yes, I did say that I’d be finishing the rhyming Sharknado review today! But, really, if one can’t find the time to make a Silent Hill Christmas carol sung to All I Want For Christmas Is You, then what’s the point of living?!

Nothing. The answer is nothing.

Ahem!

I don’t want a lot of victims,

You’re the playthings that I need.

I don’t care about the kill count,

I just like the way you flee.

 

I just want you for my own,

More than you could ever know.

Make my will come true,

All I want for victims… is you!

 

Harry Mason lost his license,

Sunderland is off his nut,

Heather Mason’s womb was borrowed,

Henry Townshend’s still locked up!

 

Travis Grady is a retcon,

Alex Shepherd’s barely there,

Harry Mason still can’t drive,

And Pendleton just doesn’t care!

 

I just want you for my own,

More than you can ever know,

Make my will come true,

All I want for victims… is you!

 

Oh, I won’t ask much from my victims,

As long as there’s no RPGs.

‘Cause, I mean, come on, let’s be real,

Did anyone play “Lost Memories”?

 

Pyramid Head and Insane Cancer,

Numb Bodies, Twin Victims too!

Hoards of fleshy, chesty nurses,

All around to romance you!

 

‘Cause I just want you here forever,

Raw Shocks holding you so tight,

What more can I dooooo?

Baby, all I want for victims… is you!

 

Otherworld is filling the fog up everywhere!

And the sound of static warning fills the air!

And everyone is screaming!

I hear the Order scheming!

Alessa, won’t you bring the one I really need, won’t you please bring all my victims here to me!

 

Oh, I don’t want a lot of victims!

That’s what Christabella’s here for!

I just want to see my corpses,

Strung up outside Ike Isaac’s door!

 

I just want you for my own,

More than you can ever know,

Make my will come true,

All I want for victims… is you!

All I want for victims… is Harry!

All I want for victims… is James!

All I want for victims… is Heather!

All I want for victims… is Henry!

All I want for victims… is Travis!

All I want for victims… is Alex!

All I want for victims… is Murphy!

All I want for victims… is YOOOOOOU!

“MERRY CHRISTMAS, MEAT BAGS!”

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5 Responses to “The Sixth Day Of Regretmas: A Very Silent Hill Christmas”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Seventh Day Of Regretmas: Rhyming Fishes, Seuss Would Be Proud | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - December 19, 2013

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    […] Foggy town o’ monsters, […]

  3. The Ninth Day Of Regretmas: Outlasting The Holidays | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - December 21, 2013

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  4. The Tenth Day Of Regretmas: Just Getting Meta | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - December 22, 2013

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    […] that we’re finally done with “The Twelve Days Of Regretmas”, I can honestly say that if anyone ever suggests […]

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