The Twelfth Day Of Regretmas: The Final Countdown

24 Dec

“Twelve”. What a strange word. Look at it. Just look at it. “Twelve”. “Tweeeeeelve”. Twelve, twelve, twelve, twelve.

TWELVE. TwElVe. Twelve. Twelve! TWELVEEEEE.

Twelve twelve twelve twelve.

TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELVE.

Anyway, happy 700th post.

Now that we’re finally done with “The Twelve Days Of Regretmas”, I can honestly say that if anyone ever suggests something like that ever again, I am going to punch them in the wang. (Women will also be punched in the wang.)

Couple things I’ve learned during the course of Regretmas: Trying to write 12 feature length posts in a row without repeating myself is the quickest way to accidentally taking up self harm, bar discovering that you used 2 hours of your life watching Spring Breakers.

And no, I’m not reviewing this. YOU DON’T PAY ME ENOUGH.

Second Thing Learned: Reviewing Life Of Deaths got me simultaneously revered and insulted. So, either I need to review the next episode… or torch YouTube, salt the earth, and run screaming.

Numero Threeso: … That’s a word, right?

Don’t check that.

I SAID STOP IT.

You’re not invited to my birthday party any more.

Anyway, NUMBER THREE! I cannot rhyme. Rhyming is not a thing. Not any more. I’ve destroyed it. I took the concept of rhyming, and I broke it. With a rock. And incompetence. And a sharknado. All at once. An incompetent rocksharknado of rhyming.

(And also, evidently, basic sentence structure was caught in that clusterfuck as well.)

Number Four: Silent Hill needs to be in this site more. Murphy Pendleton and I are going to get very, very acquainted very, very soon.

That sounded more rapey than I intended.

And everyone knows it’s SUNDERLAND who people rape! … What, nobody?

Number five: Trying to add in GIFs causes my entire site to meltdown. To which I am blaming… well, pretty much anyone who isn’t me.

And finally… I’ve learnt that I should never schedule my 700th post on Christmas Eve! So, I’m calling this a wrap!

Merry Christmas, motherfuckers!

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