Erik Versus Spambots Versus My Seven Evil Ex’s

29 Dec

I wonder, could I get a spambot to write this site instead? Just sit on my ass with Molly the Sentient Spam Filter as the bots write the dick jokes for me? Ah… what a dream…

Do you think I could get Molly in to a bikini?

Remind me to give her a promotion.

Anyway! Where was I? Oh, right! Spambots!

Ahem!

I’m impressed, I must say. Really rarely do I come across a blog that’s the two educative and entertaining, and without a doubt, you have struck the toenail on the go. 

… “Struck the toenail”? I’m sorry, am I a writer, or a one man crusade against crocs?

If you are involved in the construction industry, manufacturing, agriculture, food and beverage, mining or automotive industry, screw compressors are probably a regular tool that you use.

Pssh, your mom is a regular tool that I use!

*sassy finger snap*

I would also accept “Screw (compressors) yourself”.

A hacked website could kill your business

True, true, but I’m pretty sure “not having a business” hurts my business way more.

Woah! I’m гeally enjoying the template/theme of thiѕ website. It’ѕ simple, yet effeсtive. A lot of times it’s very hard to get that “perfect balance” between user friendliness and visual appeal. I muѕt say you have done a superb job with this. Additionally, the blog loads super quick for me on Internet explorer. Outstanding Blog!

Aww, you’re so sweet! Gosh, I think I’m blushing! You’re so nice and kind and-

Wait.

Did that say… “internet explorer”?

BURN THE HERETIC.

Could it be just me or does it look like like a few of these responses look as if they are left by brain dead folks 

Hmm, that would explain why nobody actually comments. Come on, people, fess up, how many of you don’t actually have a brain?

I was looking for a Scarecrow for the whole “If I only had a brain” schtick, and I found this instead, and I think we can all agree that this is a marked improvement.

A pperson can personally visit her in her flat and allow her become the perfect host

… Who’s flat? Who is ‘her’? Who’s ‘the perfect host’?

Where’s the body, spambots.

15 Reasons Canada is always a lot better than your country As a guide none regarding going to be the Cracked bloggers talk at great length and width about themsel- 

Wait wait wait wait. Okay, I’m cutting you off, because… who the fuck decided to send me ‘Canadian/Cracked.com’ fan fiction?

Goddammit, Swaim.

Oooh, ‘Dan O’Brian/Canada’ slash fic. MAKE IT HAPPEN, INTERNET.

One Response to “Erik Versus Spambots Versus My Seven Evil Ex’s”

  1. Tim Hurley December 30, 2013 at 12:56 pm #

    Once again, your spam beats the snot out of my spam. Mine’s all like ‘Get Michael Kor handbags for cheap’, and ‘cheap uggs’ and some spiel about African warlords and the Catholic church… Well, okay, admittedly that last one was pretty good. Wish I would have saved that one.

    Still, ‘struck the toenail on the go’? That’s gold, Jerry. So much gold.

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