Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute while these bandits are fleein’
And tell you how I became the hero of a place called Albion!
In tiny Oakvale, born and raised,
Buyin’ presents is how I spent most of my days!
Chillin’ with boxes and saving Rosie’s life,
While some lecherous ass is cheating on his wife.
When a couple of bandits, who were up to no good,
Started making trouble in my neighbourhood.
I got in one little fight, everyone got killed,
So Maze picked me up and dragged me to the Heroes Guild!
I got through my montage schooling, day after day,
And they packed me some health potions and sent me on my way!
I bitch slapped Whisper, then I baked me a pie,
Then I spent my XP, now it’s time for goodbyes!
First quest, yo, this is bad!
Drinking mana potions out of a champagne glass!
Is this what the people of Bowerstone like?
Hmm, this might be alright!
But wait, I hear they’re prissy, bourgeois and all that!
And they’ll confiscate my weapons so I won’t stab those brats!
I don’t think so, they’ll see when I get there,
That I can kill annoying children anywhere.
Grabbed a Cullis Gate and when I came out,
There was a dude who looked like Satan with a hood and no mouth!
I ain’t trying to pick a fight,
I’m just here for the Arena,
I sprang with the quickness of nymphs, never see ya!
I whistle at the ladies and when they come near,
I practice showin’ off my poses for hours in the mirror!
They might be a pretty shape when you’re out sightseein’,
But nah, I’m a Hero – Yo homes, to Albion!
I pulled up to my manor after saving the day,
And I call to Lady Grey, “Come on, homes, lets play!”.
I looked at Bowerstone Manor,
I’m a mythical bein’,
‘Cause I’m finally the Fresh Hero of Albion!

… I am utterly shameless.
Excellent work, as always. This is slightly tangential, but I wanted to let you know I’ve nominated your blog for a Liebster award. Want to claim your prize? I’ve left you instructions on today’s post. I’m not spamming you, just humor me. http://mnsho.com/2014/02/13/oh-my-darling/
This would’ve been a much better opening to use over Fable III’s ‘chicken’ trailer.