Omegle: Put The Gun Down

15 Mar

So, after that Friedberg/Seltzer abomination, I think it’s time for a vacation!

[Editor’s Note: Omegle counts as a vacation?]

It’s the closest I get in this damn job.

Ahem!

Who is better looking Kate Upton or Scarlett Johansen

… Why the hell am I not an option?!

Best way to kill the mood at a party is to put a firecracker in your ass and rant about all the rights women don’t have.

What kind of parties have YOU been going to? That’s usually how mine get started!

You’re gonna make some proctologist very happy one of these days.

why is Katy Perry so dumb!!! why doesn’t she just stop making my bf think she’s pretty???

Because breast reduction surgeries cost money, ma’am.

Girls, ever wanted to ask a guy something but were too embarrassed or afraid to ask? 

What kind of questions do you even ask a guy? “What is it like having a penis?”

“A lot like having a vagina, only, you know, not.”

How would you cope if your beloved bf/gf went away for 3 weeks and has barely any time to contact you during this time?

M- me? Having a girlfriend?

BWA HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH OH GOD MY SIDES.

I'm not quite sure, but I think that was the sickest burn.

I’m not quite sure, but I think that was the sickest burn.

how can you tell when a girl wants sex?

I don’t think it’s that hard, they don’t exactly have to play subtle. “Hey. Do you have a penis? You do? Great!”

Craziest sexual experience

Me, a ferris wheel, and one pissed off ambassador.

Threesome.

You know, most guys would buy me dinner first!

Prove that you’re noteworthy

My penis is so long, it bends local space/time.

OH GOD MY PENIS WILL KILL US ALL.

m, twenty, big white cock

Not to be confused with a great white shark, of course.

Lesbian, bi female

Is that a description, or an order? “One lesbian with a side of bi female, coming right up!”

would you fuck me anal or in the pussy?

Ear canal, obviously, it’s the sexiest orifice.

Mark Pellegrino is…?

THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME.

Well, that beard is, anyway.

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