Insane In The Strange Frame: Strange Frame Review, Part Three

15 May

Oh, god, do I really have to keep reviewing this movie? I swear, this thing is nothing but crappy photoshop filters over pictures of lesbians while saxophone techno plays in the background! If I wanted THAT, I have the whole damn internet for it!

Siiigh. Once more in to the tedium.

Previously, on Strange Frame: Crappy photoshop effects, Tara Strong has sold out her music career and is getting her mind transferred in to a robot by Tim Curry, Claudia Black had joined Ron Glass and Cree Summers’ space ship crew, and on a related note, I’m running out of booze!

Ahem!

In space, on the Lost Mango, Claudia Black catches a news broadcast about Tara Strong’s meteoric success, because apparently in space, no one can hear you exposit. Afterwards, Black strikes up a conversation with Drusilla-9000 about her origin story. Oh, I’m sorry, I meant “an excuse for more flashy imagery with pretentious narration in the background”. I swear, we could make a drinking game out of this. Take a shot!

Cree Summers wakes up Ron Glass and tells him that the life support is on the fritz again, and figures that it must be the new A.I. And naturally, Summers suggest unhooking her until they can fix it. Oh, suuuure, threaten the computer in charge of the space ship while she’s in earshot, THAT will end well! Jesus, do the Terminator movies just not EXIST in this universe?

We cut to Tara Strong’s band mate, the Jamaican guy, on a flight to… Space Jamaica?! Holy fuck, that was a thing?! Unfortunately, it looks like Tim Curry was actually just arranging him to be taken out by space pirates, because they drive by and take him out before we actually GET to Space Jamaica. Dammit! I get to see gruesome murders every week, I RARELY get to see Space Jamaica!

Anyway, after we see Black’s dream imagery about being sad over Strong (take a shot), we cut to her talking to Summers about repairing the ship. See, they need a fancy-schmancy part to get everything clicking and purring again, Black says if she gets that, they’ll help her get lesbians!

[Editor’s Note: Wow, what complicated techno babble.]

I know, right? I think I need a cigarette.

… WAIT I DON’T SMOKE.

We cut to Black arranging a deal with a street merchant, selling her antique saxophone for the cash she needs, and she wanders off in the pretentiously narrated night. Annnnnd oh fuck, the singing hookers are back. WHY ARE YOU EVEN IN THIS MOVIE?!

AND WHY ARE YOU WEARING HIPSTER GLASSES?!

They offer some advice… in song, of course, but they still work in some vague truisms. Because they wouldn’t be in this movie if they weren’t both confusing AND boring! Anyway, they advise getting back to her roots to get Strong back, and she follows their advice, and goes to… I have no idea where she goes to. This movie is nothing but glowy nightclubs, they all run together in to a massive blur of disinterest. Anyway, the band member she’s there to find has gone missing. I’m sure it would be a massive tragedy if I knew WHO THE FUCK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!

She runs in to Alan Tudyk next, he tells her about some kind of lab, and then PRETENTIOUS IMAGERY WITH MONOLOGING ON TOP! 

Take a sho- actually, you know what, DON’T take a shot, because that would be justifying this movie’s LAZY ATTEMPTS TO BE DEEP AND MEANINGFUL! SO FUCK THIS MOVIE IN THE EAR! I’M DONE!

[Editor’s Note: … Erik?]

[Editor’s Note: You ARE coming back to finish this review, right?]

[Editor’s Note: … Crap.]

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2 Responses to “Insane In The Strange Frame: Strange Frame Review, Part Three”

  1. Saansilt May 16, 2014 at 12:43 am #

    Best review ever.
    I do not regret causing it.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. More Lame Than Strange: Strange Frame Review, Part Four | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - May 17, 2014

    […] on Strange Frame: Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. […]

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