More Lame Than Strange: Strange Frame Review, Part Four

16 May

I really don’t want to finish this movie. I really don’t want to finish this damn movie. Why am I even watching this. How dare you people make me watch this. I hate you. I hate you so much. And also this movie. Mostly this movie.

God DAMN, I hate this movie.

Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate…

Previously, on Strange Frame: Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate.

Did I mention I’m a fair and balanced reviewer?

Ahem!

Claudia Black resumes narrating pretentiously over Alan Tudyk’s drugged out body (or maybe he just really needed a nap), and we cut to some more old shots from movies about selling out, which… I’m just rolling with the punches at this point, people. And of course, Robo-Tara Strong is watching the clips, because I guess Tim Curry thought it would help the evil robot to sell out if you made it watch something about how bad selling out is? You might wanna hit the drawing board again, dude.

We cut to the stadium of Concert Dome, and of course, said concert in composed of random images with lesbians and pretentious song lyrics. Take a shot! We see Claudia Black is in the audience, and… is everyone in the audience becoming robots? Why are their eyes glowing? Is this more random music video imagery or did the plot just go ‘bye-bye’ for a couple minutes? Option 2? That’s fine, just means I need to drink more.

We cut up to the Lost Mango, with Ron Glass and Cree Summers listening to Black, as she informs them that she can tell Strong is a robot. Because… lesbians, I guess. Summers and Glass say they’ll help save the day, and they deliver some awkward “lets get dangerous” lines, before speeding off. Oooh, look, an hour and twelve members in, and they finally started the PLOT.

Goody-goody gumdrops.

I’d rather watch THIS than the movie.

They launch in to the first part of Operation: Escape From STRATOSPHERE! The first part involves distracting the guards with the Singing Hookers, because this movie hates me personally. Next, Black sneaks in and releases Cybermats in to STRATOSPHERE’S security. (Well. Cybercockroaches, but then again, everything in this movie is cock.)

They knock out both the power and Robo-Strong, but the guards are on high alert. Black gets Robo-Strong, and… rides down the side of STRATOSPHERE on Glass’s hover-wheel chair?!

Okay, maybe the movie just got a little awesome.

Robo-Strong takes a nasty fall, but eh, robots bounce. We cut to Tim Curry, who gets his call of the heist, which means IT’S TIME TO GET CURRIEST.

Lets forget that happened.

Over with the Lost Mango, we get the most shocking twist thus far… DRUSILLA BOT-9000 TURNED EVIL AND TRIES TO KILL SUMMERS!

Could you at least PRETEND to be shocked?

Thank you!

Black and Robo-Strong hover away from the heist, and get picked up by Glass… who actually STOLE the car from Curry! Dude, at this point, it’s not even part of the plan, it’s just being a dick. They hook up the robot to the “confused imagery with pretentious narration” machine (take a shot), and while they figure out where the real Strong is, Summers is escaping her cruddy death trap. I guess that’s the plus when your whole space ship is made out of duct tape.

Glass and Black play their part in an exciting car chase, and meanwhile, Summers tries to kill the damn A.I. Which, yes, she actually calls a “HAL”. Heh. Anyway, with the little Shodan going up on the Lost Mango, Summers is having trouble getting down to rescue Glass and Black, which is a problem when Tim Curry joins the pursuit! My god!

… Is a Crazy Ivan out of the question?

Fortunately, they escape their pursuers and wait till they go down to a one star rating, and one cut later, they’re pulling Strong out of her evil science lab of evil science. They smash up the joint, pull out Tara Strong, and stash in the Robo-Strong just as it burns down. My god, it’s beautiful! They’ll never know she truth! Unless, of course, somebody can tell the fucking difference between a robot and a human!

FUCKIN’ FOOLPROOF.

They get Strong up to the Mango, and she sleeps in a deep coma while pretentious imagery plays (take a shot), cue some sad songs over the wrap-up, aaaaaaand I’m done!

So! That was Strange Frame! How was it?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Eh.

Strange Frame is a movie that tries to do about a million different things, and because it has so MANY- lesbians, rock bands, cyber-punk, rebellions, evil A.Is, trash haulers, Tim Curry- it completely flops at all of them. And more to the point, the animation is really rather UGLY, which kinda pull the rug out on anything this movie could have visually.

Also, where the fuck was George Takei?!

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2 Responses to “More Lame Than Strange: Strange Frame Review, Part Four”

  1. Tim Hurley May 18, 2014 at 10:50 pm #

    Eh, I know the feeling of having to suffer through something terrible (hell, I got tired of staring at the DVD cover), but hey, at least you’ve got another set of referential titles for the review series. Cypress Hill, Wizard of Oz…. Solid Titling, sir.

    • averystrangeplace May 18, 2014 at 10:56 pm #

      Thank you, thank you!
      *bow, bow, flourish*
      No applause, no applause, just throw gold and virgins!

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