A Portal To My Groins

16 Jul

Chell entered the A.I. Containment Chamber and leaned against the door frame (of science) with a low whistle. GLaDOS, super computer and psychotic monster extrodinaire, spun around in her cradle to observe the intruder.

“Oh. It’s you.” GLaDOS glared her optics. “What a joy, the generous mute lunatic is back. Are you here to murder me again, or just destroy the facility? Because, oh, here I was, thinking about how nice it was to get shot with my own rocket turret, so it’s great that you’re here to help. Maybe if I’m lucky, and you can tear my head off and stick another mo-“

“GLaDOS. I need you.” Chell’s voice was strangely alien.

GLaDOS broke off her diatribe. And then she blinked.

“Well. That was… novel.”

Chell started to stalk towards the massive, omnipotent A.I.

“I would strongly advise… not doing that. Um. You don’t have a gun in that skin tight jumpsuit, do you?”

Finally, Chell stopped in front of her previous tormentor, and wrapped her hands around her head.

“This is not science! What are you doing?!”

And finally, Chell pulled GLaDOS in to a deep kiss, letting loose 9999999 years of sexual tension in a single desperate moment-

[Editor’s Note: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!]

Oh, hey, you’re back! How was your vacation?

[Editor’s Note: INVOLVED A HELL OF A LOT LESS PORTAL FAN FIC, I’LL TELL YOU THAT!]

Look, it’s not my fault. See, I was running the numbers, and it turns out, Portal slash fic attracts WAY more readers!

[Editor’s Note: Well, to be fair, any readers would qualify as “way more”.]

… I’m going to let that fly, but only if you read the scene I wrote where Wheatley watches Chell and GLaDOS masturbate.

[Editor’s Note: *inarticulate rage*]

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2 Responses to “A Portal To My Groins”

  1. Alexander Dunwall July 17, 2014 at 7:06 am #

    Oh god no.

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