I’ve Seen Enough Hentai To Know Where This Is Going: Asian School Girls Review, Part One

6 Aug

Oh, what’s that? You like hentai, rape revenge movies, and the Asylum? Well, if so, get out of here before I cut you. And everyone else, welcome to Asian School Girls!

And may god have mercy on your soul!

Oh, the Asylum. From Nazi zombies to Transmorphers, from ghosts attacking horny teenagers to sharks attacking planes who may or may not be horny, and now to Asian School Girls! And on a related note, I will no longer be able to look my parents in the eyes any more!

Ahem!

Today’s film opens with a pan over Generico City, before cutting to four Asian school girls walking out of a test at school and hastily trying to establish their characters. Well, there’s the Asian school girls! Is the movie over now?

Some guy named Hector offers to give them rides, but apparently he is a gangster drug dealer, according to the awkward expository dialogue, so they turn him down. With that done, they decide to head off to a nightclub that night to burn off some scene!

“Wait, don’t you have to be over 21 to get in to a nightclub?”

“No!”

*hands out fake IDs*

“Hey, isn’t this my student ID picture?”

*end scene*

… Wait, no, go back. That is a legitimate question. Did that girl just happen to carry around fake IDs of all her friends? It’s nice to know that identity theft is such a fun crime!

Either that’s an identity thief, or somebody took Incognito Mode WAY too seriously.

Anyway, some quick editing later, and they’re waiting outside the nightclub! “So, what did you tell your parents you were doing tonight?”

“I told them I was going to church!”

“At 9:00 PM on a Friday?!”

*laugh laugh laugh laugh*

… No, wait, that is ALSO a legitimate question. How drunk were her parents if they fell for a line that thick? Are we talking “rubbing alcohol” level, or “jet fuel”?

Once they’re in the club, half of the girls discuss how they should be exhibitionist and show off their booty to get guy’s attention, and the other half discuss how the first half must be gay because they never have boyfriends. Ah, yes, the charm of a terrible writer trying to write female characters. EVERYTHING REVOLVES AROUND BOYS! DICKS ARE THE SOLUTION TO ALL PROBLEMS!

Anyway, one half of the group starts hanging out with two sleazy college boys, who are A, terrible actors, and B, believe that all Asian women are submissive! Oh, charming. Racism, and sexism! In one package! And if you act now, you can get some transphobia absolutely free!

The sleazy guys invite the drunk Asian schoolgirls to their motel room, and hey, lets see if you can guess how a set-up like that would end! Hint: It ain’t the Aristocrats. Yes, a man in a business suit and some creepy fuckers in their underwear are waiting and ambush the drugged girls when they get in. Three of them are out cold, and one of them is still conscious, so they tie her to the bed. “So, gentlemen, anyone want some rape? Fresh off the rack!”

*pinch bridge of nose between fingers*

I do not like this scene.

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6 Responses to “I’ve Seen Enough Hentai To Know Where This Is Going: Asian School Girls Review, Part One”

  1. Alexander Dunwall August 7, 2014 at 2:51 am #

    I–…I’m not going to ask how you found this…

    • averystrangeplace August 7, 2014 at 10:59 am #

      Oh, it’s simple! You take the blood of a high born virgin, soak your time machine in it, travel back to the days when Dino-Hitler ruled the earth, fight him for a prolonged battle with asteroids that will last sixty days and sixty nights, and then go home, sober up, and browse Netflix.

  2. Alexander Dunwall August 7, 2014 at 7:58 pm #

    Instructions weren’t clear enough, I stabbed myself with a spoon.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. I Spit On Your Fan Service: Asian School Girls Review, Part Two | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - August 7, 2014

    […] Previously, on Asian School Girls: We made it about, oh, five minutes in before the four titular Asian school girls got drugged and raped by a series of unpleasant men, and then I had to turn the review off to go sob in the corner for a while. […]

  2. In A Strip Club, No One Can Hear You Scream: Asian School Girls Review, Part Three | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - August 8, 2014

    […] Previously, on Asian School Girls: Four Asian school girls were drugged and molested in a motel room, resulting in plenty of over-acting and one suicide. So, the three remaining Asian school girls decide to strike out against the gang of rapists! By… working at a strip club. […]

  3. Last Strip Club On The Left: Asian School Girls Review, Part Four | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - August 10, 2014

    […] Previously, on Asian School Girls: Our three abused Asian school girls have gotten revenge on their attackers, cutting a bloody swath across the city of both the rapists, AND random civilians. But it turns out that they’ve pissed off the people in charge of Rapist Incorporated, because somebody stuffed a classmate in their trunk! Either that, or it’s a fraternity prank gone wrong. […]

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