Vodka Mudshakes Are My New Friend

14 Sep

[Editor’s Note: So! How was your birthday?]

Mmm, it was goooood…

[Editor’s Note: I- motherfucker, are you still drunk?]

N- no, no, of curse not! I’m- I’m like, pre-drunk. For the next time I get drunk. It’s indusyrious, see?

[Editor’s Note: I- I don’t even- how do you even GET drunk, you’re like a goddamn giant! You’re like ninety percent liver!]

See, that’s what I throught, but as it turns out, it’s ionly abiout seventy five. Plus, about seven Banana Flavoured Vodka Mudshakes would get anybody drunk.

[Editor’s Note: … Do I even want to know what those are?]

Think of it like a milkshake who hass made some serious mistakes in his life, add in a dash of Russian communism for thee vodka, sprinkle in some childhood regrets, then pour all of that out and go get a Vodka Mudshake.

[Editor’s Note: Okay, that’s it, gimme the keys.]

Keys? Keys to what, I still can’t drive!

[Editor’s Note: I know, it just seems like the kind of thing somebody should say. I’m sure you could still do some damage if you palmed somebody’s car keys, though. Like… I dunno, steal all of the cup holders?]

… Well, gee, thanks for spoilering your Christmas gift. Try to act surprised when Christmas comes and all of suden you don’t have anywhere to put your drinks, okasy?

 

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