Previews? Is That A Thing That We’re Doing Now?

28 Sep

Yesssssss, the latest video review is coming along just fine! Well. I’m over halfway done the script after about two weeks of writer’s block, so fuck off, this is finally working out! But writing two reviews in one day is a little much, even for me, so instead, here’s some of my favorite quotes from the in-progress review!

“I’d start a drinking game out of all the pointless scenes, but you’d be getting your stomach pumped before the plot got started.”

“You know, most movies would keep the fact that their protagonist is an utter dick weasel a secret, but no, this movie is bold enough to let you know that yeah, you’re gonna want this fuckbarrel to stick his cock in a blender by the time it’s over. I can’t wait for them to remake Silent Hill 2, ‘Oh And Did We Mention He Killed His Wife’ Edition.”

“DO PEOPLE WITH GOPROS HAVE SOULS?!”

“Oh look, something promised to be exciting and entertaining and instead just leaves the faint odor of shame and disappointment. Either this is a preemptive metaphor for this movie’s entire existence, or somebody found the way to perfectly encapsulate my sex life!”

“I CAN TASTE HATE. I SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO TASTE HATE.”

“For the first review, I found something notorious that isn’t actually that bad, and for the second one, I found something nobody had heard of that was just terrible. And so for the third one, I wanted to find something that is just unfucking watchable. SO! LET’S DIG IN!”

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One Response to “Previews? Is That A Thing That We’re Doing Now?”

  1. Alexander Dunwall September 29, 2014 at 2:01 am #

    I wonder what movie it is…hmm…

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