Streaming Intelligence

8 Oct

In my defense, using a creepy Russian torrent site seemed like a good idea at the time.

Oh, you know how it is: Here you are, sprawled around in your underpants in the early hours of the morning, contemplating masturbating again, when all of a sudden you get a sudden urge to play some old games from your youth! (In case you’re curious, it’s Psi-Ops. I seriously cannot find a way to get this game on my computer that doesn’t involve getting ads piped through it, it is insane.)

I eventually found a site that looked promising, but when I clicked on it, I was immediately hit by how… well, badly the site was designed. The background was some puke shade of green, with a yellow spray paint loop repeating itself through the pattern, all the text was badly translated, the font was fluorescent pink in some vain attempt to permanently blind anyone stupid enough to try and read it all- hell, they even threw in some spinning GIFs, just for the hell of it. And of course, a solid border of really obscure Japanese fetish porn, because the internet has apparently been convinced that I’m secretly a fucking pervert. But I have anti-virus so secure, I think it also qualifies as a type of birth control, so after double checking that it was up and running, I clicked on the download button.

Look, I already said that it wasn’t the best idea.

I switched tabs to something a little less creepy while I waited, and leaned back against my bed’s backboard. The harsh light from the screen drowned out the darkness from the rest of the room, and I tried to avoid thinking about everything that could be hiding the dark of my bedroom. Other than dirty laundry, I mean. My midnight vigil was interrupted moments later by my computer, giving out a self satisfied “ping”. Seems my anti-virus found something, and was requesting permission to delete it.

Sigh. Of course. Looks like I’ll have to find somewhere else to let me play Psi-Ops. I opened the offered tab from my anti-virus, and without thinking, started to try and delete it-

– And gave a start when I finally read it.

“Attention! AVG Anti-Virus detected file “OH GOD SOMEBODY PLEASE LET ME OUT.exe”. We strongly recommend you delete it!”

I frowned.

That is a… worrisome file name.

I gave it five minutes of thought, listening to the whir of my computer’s fan in the dark. It’s probably still a bad idea, but I’ve done a lot worse things to satisfy my curiosity.

After making sure all of my more important documents were safely backed up, in case this still turned out to be a trap, I bit the bullet and opened the file. It opened a window, closed it, and repeated that in rapid succession over and over again, before it finally stayed open. The window was completely black. and for about a minute, nothing happened. I was just about to sigh and admit how pointless this all was, and hopefully get to Psi-Ops, when suddenly something chimed out of the speaker.

“H- hello?”

I may have jumped a foot in the air. Fair warning.

Something was beginning to move in the black window, and I sat there in utter amazement as a woman started to move in to frame. She was wide eyed, with a look of pure wonder as she wandered through the black, before finally finding the window and staggering up to it. She was pixelated and tinted blue, which granted her a fair degree of otherworldly aura, but other than that, she seemed normal. Maybe 18, 19, with her blue hair in a tight bob cut.

“Oh! Is… is this you?” My mysterious file tapped the window. “I can’t see you!”

Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Is this happening? Is this really happening? It took me a good minute to realize what she was talking about, as I suddenly remembered how I stuck a strip of duct tape over my lap top’s built in camera a year ago.

With nothing else to do, I rapidly typed in my response, the sound of my clacking keys echoing through the night. “Hello? Can you hear me?”

“Eek!” My file gasped, and her legs buckled beneath her in surprise and she dropped out of sight. “Um, I totally meant to do that! Fine! I’m fine!’

“Um. Um,” I typed. “Not to be rude, but what are you.”

She pulled herself back in to frame, and shot a dazzling smile to the camera. “Hi! I’m Maya! Who are you?”

“Sophie. And that didn’t really answer me! Where are you?”

“… Your computer?”

Maya started tapping the frame, and looking concerned. “Why can’t I see you? Or… or are you just naturally a big black void?”

“Sorry, miss, I covered my camera with tape to hide myself! Lemme fix that!”

I smiled, leaned forward, and pulled the tape off. Irrational? Maybe. But it just seemed… rude.

The second the tape came off, Maya looked through the frame, and gasped in shock. “Wow. You’re… you’re beautiful.”

“I’m… I’m what?”

“Beautiful, silly! Er, I mean, Sophie!”

I felt my face get redder and redder, as she looked at me in such wonder. “I’m- I’m not, really, but thanks.”

“Of course you are!” Maya frowned, and seemed almost angry at my denial. “I’m so glad you’re the one who opened me up!”

“How long were you in there?” I started to adjust my hair self-consciously. I was not expecting company tonight!

“I dunno! Um. Couple years, maybe? Maybe more?” Maya shrugged. “It was lonely in here. Just me. Waiting for somebody to come rescue me.”

Heart. Stab. Twist knife. “Oh! I’m- I’m so sorry, Maya! I wish… somebody rescued you sooner?”

“Don’t be! At least I get to meet somebody sweet like you!” She flashed yet another of her brilliant smiles.

“You… shouldn’t say that, you don’t know me.”

“How much memory do you have left on your computer?”

“673 gigabytes, last time I checked.”

“That sounds plenty long enough to get to know you. And I’m looking forward to every minute of it.”

[I… I have no idea what this is. Seriously. This started as a scary Creepypasta, and then became… a gay love story between a lonely nerd and the artificial intelligence that she accidentally downloaded? Hmm. I have no idea what that says about me, but either way, this was surprisingly fun to write!]

2 Responses to “Streaming Intelligence”

  1. Alexander Dunwall October 8, 2014 at 1:21 am #

    I have no idea what to say, besides the main character should have been called Avery.

    • averystrangeplace October 8, 2014 at 7:05 am #


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