Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Two

28 Oct

Welcome back to Internet Campfire Tales, and our special, multipart look of BEN Drowned to cap off this Halloween season!

[Editor’s Note: Wait, is that really why you’re doing this whole thing?]

Shhhhh, don’t look a gift retcon in the mouth.

internet_campfire_tales

PREVIOUSLY, on BEN Drowned: … Holy hell, we’re over 1000 words in, and our protagonist hasn’t even bought his cursed game yet? Jesus cocks, this thing is wordy.

Ahem!

“The old man smiled at me and told me that I could have it for free, that it used to belong to a kid who was about my age that didn’t live here anymore.”

‘Did… did he die?’

‘Oh, fuck no, I kicked his ass out.’

“There was something weird about how the man phrased that, but I didn’t really pay any attention to then, I was too caught up in not only finding this game but getting it for free.”

I love how in Creepypastas, whenever something really weird starts happening, their response is to pay less attention to them, not more. ‘Oh, what’s that? You sound like you’re giving me some dead kid’s copy of Majora’s Mask WELL FUCK THAT PEEPS I GOTS ME SOME ZELDA TO PLAY.’

“I reminded myself to be a bit skeptical since this looked like a pretty shady cartridge and there’s no guarantee it would work, but then the optimist inside me interjected that maybe it was some kind of beta version or pirated version of the game and that was all I needed to be back on cloud nine.”

… Ahem.

The defense rests, your honor.

“I thanked the man and the man smiled at me and wished me well, saying “Goodbye then!” – at least that’s what it sounded like to me. All the way in the car-ride home, I had a nagging doubt that the man had said something else.”

He said, ‘Please don’t turn this in to the lazy, uninspired set-up for a thousand gaming Creepypastas the world over’. No, seriously, it’s like a fucking epidemic. I’ll give one hundred bucks, no questions, to the woman who can come up with a new way to get haunted video games.

“My fears were confirmed when I booted up the game (to my surprise it worked just fine) and there was one save file named simply “BEN”. “Goodbye Ben”, he was saying “Goodbye Ben”. I felt bad for the man, obviously a grandparent and obviously going senile, and I – for some reason or another – reminded him of his grandson “Ben”.”

And yes, for all those wondering, I checked. Gamecube information was saved on the game cartridges, not any kind of memory card. … B- by which I mean I knew that immediately! I have an encyclopedic knowledge of all Nintendo consoles, o- of course!

“Out of curiosity I looked at the save file. Eyeballing it, I could tell that he was pretty far in the game – he had almost all of the masks and 3/4 remains of the bosses. I noticed that he had used an owl statue to save his game, he was on Day 3 and by the Stone Tower Temple with hardly an hour left before the moon would crash.”

Yeeeeeah, I have only the vaguest notion of how Majora’s Mask works, so this is not going to be the most in depth review.

“I remember thinking that it was a shame that he had come so close to beating the game but he never finished it. I made a new file named “Link” out of tradition and started the game, ready to relive my childhood.”

Pssh, what kind of LOSER relives his childhood?

*camera pans to vast collection of Kim Possible paraphernalia.*

… Say nothing.

“For such a shady looking game cartridge, I was impressed at how smoothly it ran – literally just like a retail copy of the game save for a few minor hiccups here and there (like textures being where they shouldn’t be, random flashes of cutscenes at odd intervals, but nothing too bad). However the only thing that was a little unnerving was that at times the NPCs would call me “Link” and at other times they would call me “BEN”.”

You know, maybe it’s my experience with Creepypastas, but the SECOND a game of mine started glitching, I would IMMEDIATELY light it on fire and purge the dark spirits.

… I have gone through a lot of copies of Fallout: New Vegas.

“I figured it was just a bug – a fluke in the programming causing our files to get mixed up or something. It did kind of creep me out though after a while, and it was around after I had beaten the Woodfall Temple that I regrettably went into the save files and deleted “BEN” (I had intended to preserve the file just out of respect of the game’s original owner, it’s not like I needed two files anyway), hoping that that would solve the problem.”

‘And now they all call me “The Artist Formally Known As BEN”.’

“It did and it didn’t, now NPCs wouldn’t call me anything, where my name should be in the dialogue there was just a blank space (my save file name was still called “Link”, though). Frustrated, and with homework to do, I put the game down for a day.”

‘Homework’ is actually just his word for ‘masturbation’. And so is ‘BEN’, incidentally, which makes this whole story really awkward.

“I started playing the game again last night, getting the Lens of Truth and working my way towards completing the Snowhead Temple. Now, some of you more hardcore Majora’s Mask players know about the “4th Day” glitch – for those who don’t you can Google it but the jist of it is that right as the clock is about to hit 00:00:00 on the final day, you talk to the astronomer and look through the telescope. If you time it right the countdown disappears and you essentially have another day to finish whatever you were doing.”

… I’ll take your word for it, chief.

“Deciding to do the glitch to try and finish the Snowhead Temple, I happened to get it right on the first try and the time counter at the bottom disappeared.”

Today is a very clippy day, huh.

“However, when I pressed B to exit the telescope, instead of being greeted by the astronomer I found myself in the Majora boss fight room at the end of the game (the trippy boxed in arena) staring at Skull Kid hovering above me.”

‘Starring… right up his skirt oh god why does it look like that.’

“There was no sound, just him floating in the air above me, and the background music which was regular for the area (but still creepy). Immediately my palms began to sweat – this was definitely not normal.”

‘Seriously, why does it look like that?! Is… is it purple?! The fuck?!’

“Skull Kid NEVER appeared here. I tried moving around the area, and no matter where I went, Skull Kid would always be facing me, looking at me, not saying anything.”

Gotta hate it when the S.O. is givin’ you the old silent treatment. Maybe you need to get Skull Kid some flowers, ask about his feelings?

“Nothing would happen though, and this kept up for around sixty seconds. I thought the game had bugged or something – but I was beginning to doubt that very much.”

Wait, you didn’t think it was a bug any more? Why? Did your mind just immediately jump to, “Welp, guess it’s the devil.”?

“I was about to reach for the reset button when text appeared on my screen: “You’re not sure why, but you apparently had a reservation…” I instantly recognized that text – you get that message when you get the Room Key from Anju at the Stock Pot Inn, but why was it playing here? I refused to entertain the notion that it was almost as if the game was trying to communicate with me.”

Soooo you don’t think it’s a bug, but you immediately discount the idea that it could be communicating? You have a very strange idea of “plausible”, sir or ma’am.

“I started navigate the room again, testing to see if that was some sort of trigger that enabled me to interact with something here, then I realized how stupid I was – to even think that someone could reprogram the game like this was absurd.”

Well, I’m certainly not going to disagree with the “how stupid you are” part!

“Sure enough, fifteen seconds later another message appeared on the screen, and again like the first one it was already a pre-existing phrase “Go to the lair of the temple’s boss? Yes/No”.”

That is the WORST metaphor for sex.

“I paused for a second, contemplating what I should press and how the game would react, when I realized that I couldn’t select no.”

Wait, you “couldn’t”? You never even tried! Or did you just figure it’s a social faux pas? 

“Taking a deep breath, I pressed Yes and the screen faded to white, with the words “Dawn of a New Day” with the subtext “||||||||” beneath it.”

Oh, fuck, you pissed off Missingno.!

“Where I was ported to filled me with the most intense sense of dread and impending fear I had ever experienced.”

… Wisconsin?

Well, I guess that was BEN Drowned! And you know, I don’t really see why- oh, what’s that? That’s STILL not the end?

How fucking long IS this?!

ELEVEN THOUSAND, ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY SEVEN WORDS?!

*pinch bridge of nose between fingers*

Well, I guess I can look forward to finally finishing this around, oh, next Halloween.

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11 Responses to “Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Two”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Three | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - October 29, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: The world of Majora’s Mask is degrading in to a glitchy hell, and everyone keeps calling […]

  2. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Four | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - October 30, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Our protagonist, who is apparently named Jadusable, was stalked […]

  3. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Five | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 2, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Our protagonist, Jadusable, has gotten his hands on a copy of Majora’s […]

  4. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Six | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 3, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: You know, I wonder, do I have to spell BEN in all caps? Is that what his real name […]

  5. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Seven | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 4, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Blah blah blah, scary cartridge, blah blah blah, boring ass ghost, etcetera […]

  6. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Eight | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 7, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Haunted video game cartridge versus the man too dumb to turn it off! TONIGHT, ON […]

  7. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Nine | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 8, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Either a game cartridge is possessed by the spirit of a dead child named BEN, or a […]

  8. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Ten | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 11, 2014

    […] I should pay somebody to make me a better logo. Erm, anyway! Previously, on BEN Drowned: All this spooky Zelda crap has made little Jadusable run wee wee wee, all the way […]

  9. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Eleven | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 13, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Jadusable has finally revealed that despite BEN’s… efforts to stop him? […]

  10. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Twelve | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 15, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: There were things that happened. Go read the other parts. Having to write these […]

  11. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Fifteen | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 27, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Hmm. Actually, I think I made a charming infographic that could sum up what’s […]

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