Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Three

29 Oct

Oh, hi! I didn’t see you come in! Mostly because this is a text format, and you’re not actually here! But even if you’re not here, you can still pull up chair and dig in to Internet Campfire Tales!

internet_campfire_tales

Previously, on BEN DrownedThe world of Majora’s Mask is degrading in to a glitchy hell, and everyone keeps calling him “BEN”! Can our protagonist possibly escape?! Without… you know, just turning the game off?

Ahem!

“The only way I can describe the way I felt here is having this feeling of inexplicable depression on a profound scale.”

Yeah, welcome to the world of video reviewing.

“I am normally not a depressed person, but the way I felt here was a feeling that I didn’t even knew existed – it was such a twisted, powerful presence that seemed to wash over me.”

And of course, turning the game off never even occurs to him.

“I appeared in some kind of weird twilight-zone version of Clock Town. I walked out of the Clock Tower (as you normally do when you start from Day 1) only to find that all of the inhabitants were gone. Usually with the 4th Day glitch you can still find the guards and the dog that runs around outside the tower – this time they were all gone.”

Wait, wait, no no, take it back a bit- “Twilight Zone” version? What the fuck does that meanDid you exit the Clock Tower and walk straight in to Rod Serling, eating entire buckets of cigarettes?

“What replaced them was the ominous feeling that there was something out there, in the same area as me and that it was watching me. I had four hearts to my name and the Hero’s Bow, but at this point I wasn’t even considered for my avatar, I felt that I personally was in some kind of danger.”

… YOU ARE NOT A SMART PERSON. 

“Perhaps the most chilling thing was the music – it was the Song of Healing, ripped straight from the game itself, but played in reverse.”

‘Link is a dead man, miss him, miss him…’

“The music would get louder, building up so as if you should expect something to pop out at you, but nothing ever did, and the constant loop began to wear on my mental state.”

So fucking mute it. I swear, protagonists in these gaming Creepypastas are a special brand of stupid. A very special brand. A very special soup brand. Like, bargain bin, no name, past it’s expiration date, wouldn’t prop up a table with it brand. If somebody made me this soup, I would pour it all over their head and ask them to call me Campbell.

[Editor’s Note: … That metaphor got away from you, huh.]

I don’t think it did.

Pictured: THIS VIDEO GAME. Maybe. Is it me?

“Every now and then I would hear the faint laugh of the Happy Mask Salesman in the background, just quiet enough so that I wasn’t sure if I just hearing things but just loud enough to keep me determined to find him.”

Yeah, okay, I’ll buy that, the Happy Mask Salesman is fucking terrifying.

“I looked in all four zones of Clock Town, only to find nothing…. No one. Textures were missing, West Clock Town had me walking on air, the entire area felt… broken. Hopelessly broken.”

Man, “Hopelessly Broken” is the worst porn star, I have no idea how he’s still getting work.

“As the reverse Song of Healing repeated for what must have been the 50th time, I just remember standing in the middle of South Clock Town realizing that I had never felt so alone in a video game before.”

‘DING DING DING’

‘… Right. Fuck. Tatl is still here.’

‘DING DING DING’

‘Y- yeah, sure, I love you too, dear.’

“As I walked through the ghost town, I don’t know whether it was the combination of the out of place textures and the atmosphere and the haunting melody of the once peaceful and soothing song being butchered and distorted, but I was literally on the verge of tears and I had no idea why.”

‘…’

‘…’

‘…’

‘DING DING DING’

‘GODDAMMIT TATL YOU ARE NOT HELPING.’

… Goddammit, internet, is there anything you won’t draw sexy fan art of? Also, if she doesn’t actually have genitals, do I have to censor this?

“I hardly ever cry, something had gripped me here and this powerful sense of depression that was both foreign and crippling.”

What a coincidence! That’s how I react whenever play a Zelda game too!

“I tried leaving Clock Town, but every time I attempted to zone out, the screen would fade to black and I would just zone in to another part of Clock Town. I tried playing my Ocarina, I wanted to escape, and I did NOT want to be here, but every time I played the Song of Time or Song of Soaring it would only say “Your notes echo far, but nothing happens”. By this point, it was obvious the game didn’t want me to leave, but I had no idea why it was keeping me here.”

For the surprise party, obviously.

“I didn’t want to go inside the buildings, I felt that I would be too vulnerable there to whatever I was terrified of. I don’t know why, but I came up with the idea that maybe if I drowned myself at the Laundry Pool I could spawn somewhere else and leave this place.”

Well, I’m sure the fact that this story is called BEN Drowned has absolutely no relevance to that fact at all.

“As I zoned in and ran towards the pool, that’s when it happened.”

Gasp, was it something completely impossible, like this story dramatically shortening itself so I have less to cover?!

No?

Well, a man can hope.

“Link grabbed his head, and the screen flashed for a brief moment of the Happy Mask Salesman smiling at me – not Link – me with Skull Kid’s scream playing in the background and when the screen returned I was staring at the Link Statue from playing the song Elegy of Emptiness.”

Pssh, what the hell is that? Eh, probably not that scary-

J- J- J- JESUS WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKITY FUCK?!

“I screamed as the thing just stared back at me with that haunting facial expression.”

THAT IS A FUCKING UNDER-REACTION.

“I turned around and ran out and back into South Clock Town, and to my horror the fucking statue followed me in the only way I can compare this is like the Weeping Angels from Doctor Who.”

Gasp! SCP 173, what are you doing here?!

(See, that’s a much cooler reference.)

(Oh, and also, BURN IT! BURN IT IN CLEANSING FIRE!)

Well. That helps a little.

“Every so often, at random intervals, the animation would play of the statue appearing behind me. It was like the thing was chasing me, or – I don’t even want to fucking say it – haunting me.”

… Um. Don’t you have a sword in this game? Oh, Mr. Wise And Brilliant Narrator, couldn’t you… I dunno, stab it?

“By this point, I was on the verge of hysterics, but not even once did the thought of turning off the console occur to me, I don’t know why, I was so wrapped up in it – the terror felt all so real. I tried to shake the statue, but it would literally appear right behind me every single time.”

Nice cover, but no, I’m still sticking with the “dumber than a sack of wet hammers” explanation.

“Link started to begin to make weird animations I had never even seen him do before, he would flail his arms around or spasm randomly and the screen would cut to the Happy Mask Salesman smiling again for a brief moment before I was face to face with that fucking statue again.”

But on the bright side, the Happy Mask Salesman isn’t nearly as bad at that statue, right?

… I HAVE RUN OUT OF URINE AND AM NOW PISSING BLOOD OUT OF MY BODY’S BIOLOGICAL URGE TO KEEP URINATING FROM SHEER TERROR.

” I ended up running into the Swordmaster’s Dojo and ran to the back, I don’t know why, but in my panic I just wanted some kind of assurance that I’m not alone here. To my dismay I found no one, but as I turned to leave the statue cornered me in the cubby in the back. I tried attacking the statue with my sword but to no avail.”

Freakin’ took you long enough! Oh well, I guess that’s all you could do. Not as if there are any other ways to attack people in Majora’s Mask, right?

Why do I feel like you’re all laughing at me?

“Confused, and backed into a corner, I just stared at the statue waiting for it to kill me. Suddenly, the screen flashed again to the Happy Mask Salesman and Link turned to face my screen, standing upright mirroring the statue, looking at me along with his copy.”

And then they burst in to a top tapping rendition of I Think I’m A Clone Now, right?

“Literally staring at me. Whatever was left of the 4th wall was completely shattered while I ran out of the dojo terrified. Suddenly the game warped me to an underground tunnel and the reverse Song of Healing queued up again as I was given a brief moment of rest before the statue started appearing behind me again… this time aggressively – I could only take a few steps before it would summon behind me again.”

Soooo what happens if Link gets caught? Does he die? Get smacked? Gets his data deleted? Is forced to put on real pants? Seriously, why should we be afraid of this guy?

“I hurriedly made my way out of the tunnel and appeared in Southern Clock Town. As I ran aimlessly – in a sheer panic – suddenly a redead screamed and the screen faded to black as “Dawn of a New Day” and “|||||||||” appeared again.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake, it’s looping?! That’s why this thing is so long, it’s like if Lovecraft and M.C. Escher had some kind of gay lovechild!

[Editor’s Note: Is that physically possible?]

Oh my yes. I’ve made diagrams.

[Editor’s Note: … Wha-]

THERE’S A CHART.

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13 Responses to “Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Three”

  1. Alexander Dunwall October 30, 2014 at 5:52 am #

    I bet this is going to end on Halloween.
    I’ve seen how long this is, I wouldn’t be surprised.

    • averystrangeplace October 30, 2014 at 7:18 am #

      Ooooh, that WOULD be fun! But considering how long this Pasta is, I wouldn’t be surprised if I finished by NEXT Halloween. Or possibly Easter.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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    […] on BEN Drowned: Our protagonist, Jadusable, has gotten his hands on a copy of Majora’s Mask from […]

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    […] on BEN Drowned: You know, I wonder, do I have to spell BEN in all caps? Is that what his real name is? […]

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    […] on BEN Drowned: Blah blah blah, scary cartridge, blah blah blah, boring ass ghost, etcetera […]

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    […] on BEN Drowned: Haunted video game cartridge versus the man too dumb to turn it off! TONIGHT, ON […]

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    […] on BEN Drowned: Either a game cartridge is possessed by the spirit of a dead child named BEN, or a gamer […]

  7. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Ten | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 11, 2014

    […] I should pay somebody to make me a better logo. Erm, anyway! Previously, on BEN Drowned: All this spooky Zelda crap has made little Jadusable run wee wee wee, all the way home, […]

  8. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Eleven | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 13, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Jadusable has finally revealed that despite BEN’s… efforts to stop him? With […]

  9. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Twelve | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 15, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: There were things that happened. Go read the other parts. Having to write these summaries […]

  10. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Thirteen | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 20, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Somehow, the haunted Majora’s Mask cartridge has managed to take control of […]

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    […] on BEN Drowned: Hmm. Actually, I think I made a charming infographic that could sum up what’s […]

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