Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Four

30 Oct

[high pitched, keening wail heard only by dogs]

HALLOWEEN IS TOMORROW! LET’S GET SPOOKY ALL UP IN THIS BITCH! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME BACK TO INTERNET CAMPFIRE TALES!

internet_campfire_tales

 

Previously, on BEN Drowned: Our protagonist, who is apparently named Jadusable, was stalked through Majora’s Mask by a big Link RealDoll. Turning the game off is never considered once.

Ahem!

“The screen faded in and I was standing on top of Clock Tower with Skull Kid hovering over me again, silent. I looked up and the moon was back, looming just meters above my head, but the Skull Kid just stared at me hauntingly with that fucking mask.”

Ah yes, the Fucking Mask. THE MOST POWERFUL MASK IN MAJORA’S MASK! THE POWER OF DICKS WILL BE YOUR UNDOING!

One second, be right back.

skully

*whistles innocently*

“A new song was playing – the Stone Tower Temple theme played in reverse.”

“Hello, Hylians. Congratulations. You have just discovered the secret dungeon. Please send your answer to Old Sheik, care of the Deku Tree, Chalfont-”

“In some sort of desperate attempt, I equipped my bow and fired off a shot at the Skull Kid – and it actually hit him and he played an animation of him reeling back.”

Just aim for the head, Link!

[Editor’s Note: Are you talking about his real head, or the giant penises’ head?]

Either or.

“I fired again and on the third arrow, a text box appeared saying “That won’t do you any good. Hee, hee.” and I was picked up off the ground, levitated upwards on my back, and then Link screamed as he burst into flames, instantly killing him.”

I- I- wait, what?! Did Skull Kid just spend an hour playing peek-a-boo, then say fuck it, and just straight up goddamn immolated him?!

… Skull Kid is hardcore.

“I jumped when this happened – I had never seen this move used by ANYONE in the game and Skull Kid himself didn’t HAVE any moves.”

I choose to assume he means dance moves. In which case, there’s only one thing that could stop him now… THE NINJA STYLE DANCER!

“As the death screen played, my lifeless body still burning, the Skull Kid laughed and the screen faded to black, only to have me reappear in the same place. I decided to charge him, but the same thing happened, Link’s body was lifted off the ground by some unknown force and he immediately burst into flames again killing him.”

Man, the Human Torch has gotten weird.

“This time during the death screen the faint sounds of the reverse Song of Healing could be heard.”

“Turn me on, Linkman, turn me on, Linkman, turn me on, Linkman, turn me on, Linkman…”

“On my third (and final try), I noticed that there was no music playing this time, that all there was was eerie silence.”

Oh, thank god, I’m running out of backward lyrics jokes.

“I remembered that in the original encounter with the Skull Kid you were supposed to use the Ocarina to either travel back in time or summon the giants.”

Wait, what?! Is that a thing that happens?! … WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

“I attempted to play the Song of Time but before I could hit the last note Links body once again horrifically exploded into flames and he died.”

Yeah, the same thing happens any time try to play a musical instrument.

“As the death screen neared its end, it began to chug, as if the cartridge was trying to process a lot of something….”

Is… is that a four dot ellipsis OH YOU SON OF A BITCH YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD TO ME-

“When the screen came to, it was the same scene as the first three times, except this time Link was lying on the ground dead in a position I had never seen in the game before, his head tilted towards the camera, with the Skull Kid floating above him.”

‘Don’t look up his skirt don’t look up his skirt don’t look up his skirt- oh god is he wearing a thong.’

“I couldn’t move, I couldn’t press any buttons, all I could do is just stare at Link’s dead body. After around thirty seconds of this, the game simply fades out with the message “You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?” before kicking you out to the title screen.”

Oh, so you finally don’t have to put up with the scary bit any more! This is where you turn the game off, right?

“Upon getting back to the title screen and starting again, I noticed my save file was no longer there. Instead of “Link”, it was replaced with “YOUR TURN”. “YOUR TURN” had 3 hearts, 0 masks, and no items.”

Gee, yeah, that’s weird, but… turn the game off now. It’s obviously haunted. T- turn it off.

“I selected “YOUR TURN” and immedia-

WHAT?! WHY?! WHY WOULD YOU POSSIBLY DO THAT?! I- I don’t even know- YOU ARE BAD AT EVERYTHING! YOU ARE A BUTT MADE OUT OF SEVERAL SMALLER, SMELLIER BUTTS! 

“I selected “YOUR TURN” and immediately when I did I was returned to the Clock Tower Rooftop scene of my Link dead and the Skull Kid hovering over, with the Skull Kid’s laughing looping again and again.”

OH GEE! IT’S ALMOST AS THOUGH YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TURNED THE FUCKING GAME ON! 

Seriously, anyone who’s looking to write a gaming Creepypasta, write this on monitor in permanent marker so you don’t forget: If “not turning off the game” is a major part of the plot, do not emphasize the terror. Like this; If Judge Judy or whatever the fuck his name is is so terrified, why the hell would he keep playing?! So, if you’re trying this yourself, emphasize the curiosity and wonder of exploring something that, to them, is a once and a lifetime game glitch, with the fear being a subtle undertone. And when you do it like that, you make sure to leave the horror in to sudden burst of terror, because if they’re quick enough, the player wouldn’t be able to turn her game off!

Also, um, don’t actually write on your monitor.

Pictured: My monitor.

Pictured: My monitor.

“I quickly hit the reset button and when the game booted up again there was one more save file added, below “YOUR TURN”, entitled “BEN”. “BEN”‘s save file is right back where it was before I deleted it, at the Stone Tower Temple with the moon almost crashing.”

I feel a disturbance in the force… as though a million werewolves howled out at once… and were suddenly silenced.

“I turned the game off at that point, I’m not superstitious but this is WAY too fucked up even for me.”

Oh- oh- that’s what’s too fucked up for you?! Oh, okay, so you get haunted by a living statue wearing your face, every single person in the world vanishes, and an eldritch abomination stapled to the face of a living god burns you to death over and over again, and that’s all fine… but effective data recovery is what freaks you the fuck out.

“I haven’t played it at all today, hell, I didn’t even get any sleep last night, I kept hearing the reverse Song of Healing music in my head and just remembering the sense of dread I felt exploring Clock Town. I drove back to the old man’s house today to ask him some questions with a buddy of mine (no way I was going there alone), only to find that there’s a For Sale sign in the front yard and when I rang the door no one was home.”

Aww, darn, I really thought those two crazy kids could make it work.

“So now I’m back here writing down the rest of my thoughts and recording what happened, sorry if some of this has grammatical errors and whatnot, I’m running on no sleep here.”

Oh! Right, before I forget, there actually is a video of Day Four! It’s a nice addition, lets us see exactly what’s going on, even if it does raise the question of how he could possibly be recording the footage on a Nintendo 64 with absolutely no forethought.

“I’m terrified of this game, even more so now that I relived it a second time writing this all down, but I feel like there’s still more to it than meets the eye, and that there’s something calling to me to investigate this further.”

Yep, it’s definitely more than meets the eye. BEN is secretly a Decepticon.

“I think “BEN” is something in this equation, but I don’t know what, and if I could get a hold of the old man then I would be able to find some answers.”

Oh, REALLY. You think BEN has something to do with. Oh gee. You must be a fraggin’ genius.

” I need another day or so to recuperate before tackling this game again, its already taken a toll on my sanity I feel like, but next time I do this I’m going to be recording my footage all the way through. “

Worst Let’s Play ever.

“I’m going to stay in this thread for a little while longer before I fall asleep to answer any questions you guys might have or hopefully listen to your ideas or theories to help me shed some light into this or maybe things I should try to do, I think I’m going to play BEN’s file tomorrow to see what happens, maybe I was supposed to do that all along.”

Now, the biggest question is… where is the proper time to throw in a “B- B- B- BENny And The Drowned” reference?

“I don’t believe in paranormal shit, but this is a little fucked up, but maybe this BEN guy is just a really good hacker/programmer, I don’t want to think about the alternatives if he isn’t.”

Ooooor- and look, here’s a better idea, stop me if you’ve heard it before- Stop playing the haunted fucking game!

“That’s the end of the copy/paste, I’m hoping that maybe this is some kind of running gag the developers had and that other people have gotten “gag” or “hacked” copies of the game like this.”

Eh, certainly sounds like something Valve would do.

“This just really scares me.”

Well, as long as it’s scaring somebody.

Anyway, we’re finally finished part one! Which means we have… seven thousand words left?!

… All I’m saying, if this doesn’t start getting actually scary fast, this entire review may just turn in to drawing dicks on to things that don’t normally have dicks.

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9 Responses to “Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Four”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Five | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 2, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Our protagonist, Jadusable, has gotten his hands on a copy of Majora’s Mask from a creepy […]

  2. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Six | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 3, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: You know, I wonder, do I have to spell BEN in all caps? Is that what his real name is? Because if […]

  3. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Seven | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 4, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Blah blah blah, scary cartridge, blah blah blah, boring ass ghost, etcetera […]

  4. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Eight | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 7, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Haunted video game cartridge versus the man too dumb to turn it off! TONIGHT, ON […]

  5. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Nine | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 8, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Either a game cartridge is possessed by the spirit of a dead child named BEN, or a gamer is […]

  6. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Ten | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 11, 2014

    […] I should pay somebody to make me a better logo. Erm, anyway! Previously, on BEN Drowned: All this spooky Zelda crap has made little Jadusable run wee wee wee, all the way home, so […]

  7. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Eleven | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 13, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Jadusable has finally revealed that despite BEN’s… efforts to stop him? With magic? […]

  8. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Twelve | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 15, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: There were things that happened. Go read the other parts. Having to write these summaries day in […]

  9. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Fifteen | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 27, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Hmm. Actually, I think I made a charming infographic that could sum up what’s happened thus […]

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