Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Six

3 Nov

Oh, for fuck’s sake, I will drown you myself, BEN. Yeah, yeah, we’re back, and if we’re very lucky and wish upon a star, we might get another part done today! And maybe fairies will fly out of my ass, as long as we’re being fucking realistic!

internet_campfire_tales

Previously, on BEN Drowned: You know, I wonder, do I have to spell BEN in all caps? Is that what his real name is? Because if so, “Drowned” is just a terrible last name, he’s going to get made fun of in elementary school.

Ahem!

“I brought up the BEN file, hesitated for a moment noticing that the stats were not the same as they original were two days ago, it seemed like he had already completed the Stone Tower Temple this time… Summoning my courage I selected it.”

Well, let’s see if we can uncover the dark secrets of this haunted cartridge-

GODDAMMIT BEN.

“Immediately I was thrust into complete chaos.”

Dude, don’t thrust into complete chaos without a condom.

“Sure enough, I was outside Stone Tower Temple, but that’s about all that was expected. The zone itself wasn’t called Stone Tower Temple, but rather “St o n e”, and immediately a dialogue box of complete gibberish that I couldn’t make out greeted me.

… Soooo am I allowed to make jokes about not being able to make out with a Nintendo game? No? Okay, just checking.

“Link’s body was distorted – his back was cocked violently to the side where his posture was permanently disfigured.”

Hah hah hah! It’s funny because COCKS.

“Link’s expression was dull, almost monotonous, he had an expression on his face that I didn’t recognize before, it was a blank look – as if he was dead.”

Or maybe he was as bored as I am.

“As Link stood there his body spasmed irregularly back and forth I examined what had become of my avatar and noticed I had a C button item I had never seen before, some kind of note, but pressing it did nothing. Sounds played back and forth that I didn’t recognize from the game – almost demonic in nature, and there was some kind of high-pitched yip or some kind of laugh or something playing in the background.”

Oh! Reference to something being demonic, take a shot!

[Editor’s Note: Why, is it a drinking game?]

No, just a very slow suicide.

“I had all of two minutes to take in the environment before another one of those fucking Elegy of Emptiness statues was summoned and immediately after I was cut into the “Dawn of a New Day” screen, except this time it was without the “||||||” subtext.”

Wake up in the morning, followed by a statue, grab Deku mask, I’m out the door, ’bout to hit the moon! Before I leave, write my Pasta with eleven thousand words, ’cause when I’m gonna drown my Ben, I ain’t comin’ back…

“I was a Deku Scrub in Clock Town – this scene would normally play after the first time you traveled back in time. Tatl would say “Wh-What just happened? It’s as if everything has…” but instead of saying “Started over”, she finished her remark in broken text as the laugh of the Happy Mask Salesman played in the background.”

“GODDAMMIT TATL YOU ARE NOT HELPING.”

“I was put back in control of my character, but from a fucked up camera angle – I was looking from behind the door to the Clock Tower, watching my avatar run around as a Deku Scrub.”

I am so glad I have Google to research these terms, because if not, I’d assume the writer was on the kind of drugs that turn in to jet fuel if you wait long enough.

“Seeing as how I really had no place to go because I couldn’t see anything, I begrudgingly went inside the door. There, I was greeted by the Happy Mask Salesman who simply told me “You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?” before the screen whited out.”

Gee, sure is a good thing THAT hasn’t become a cliche in Creepypastas, right?

R- right?

No, but I’ve met with a terrible cake, does that count?

“I was in Termina field as a human again. I might as well not have been playing the same game anymore – I was being warped around and there was no sign of a day clock or anything. I took a moment to get my bearings as I looked around the field and immediately I could tell that this was not normal.”

… WHAT GAVE IT AWAY?!

“There were no enemies and a twisted version of the Happy Mask Salesman’s theme was playing. I decided to run towards Woodfall before I noticed a gathering of three figures off to the side – one of them being Epona.

I really can’t describe how boring this is.

It’s a marvel.

Really.

“As I approached them, to my horror I saw the Happy Mask Salesman, the Skull Kid, and the Elegy of Emptiness statue just standing there. I figured maybe they were bugged out, but by now I told myself that I should know better.”

Yeeeeeeah, you really should know better. Seriously, why are you playing this? For the chuckles? Not a lot of porn where you live? Got a Let’s Play you need to finish, seriously, why?

“Nevertheless, I approached them carefully and found that the Skull Kid was playing some kind of idle animation on loop, same with Epona, and the Elegy of Emptiness statue was doing what it has been doing all along – just standing there eerily. It was the Happy Mask Salesman that scared me more profoundly than the other two.”

Actually, oh my god, has anybody done that yet? Think about it, a web series that starts out as a normal Let’s Play… and slowly, the game starts to devolve into an eldritch abomination. SOMEBODY MAKE THAT, GODDAMMIT!

“He too was idle, wearing that shit-eating grin, but where-ever I moved, his head slowly turned and followed me. I had not engaged in any dialogue with him nor was I in combat with him, yet his head still continued to follow my movements.”

Hmm? Oh, right, I’m supposed to be reviewing BEN Drowned. Blah blah blah, whatever.

[Editor’s Note: Aren’t you supposed to be a professional reviewer?]

YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE A PROFESSIONAL ASS-RAPTOR.

“Reminded of my first encounter with the Skull Kid on top of Clock Tower, I pulled out my Ocarina (to which the game played the ding sound when you’re supposed to play your Ocarina) and tried a song I hadn’t played yet – the Happy Mask Salesman’s own song and the song that had been playing on loop back in Day 4 – the Song of Healing.”

*insert smooth jazz solo*

Huh. That was weird.

“I finished playing the song and as I did, a ear-piercing shriek blasted on my TV, the sky immediately started flashing, the Happy Mask Salesman’s twisted theme song sped up, intensifying the fear inside me, and Link exploded into flames and died.”

‘Not my fault, totally not my fault!’

“The three figures stayed lit up during my death screen as they watched my lifeless body burn. I can’t describe to you how sudden and terrifying the transition from eerie to terror it is, you’re going to have to watch the video if you want to see first-hand.”

Oh, riiiiight, there’s a video for this part too!

Soooo I can stop reviewing this now, right? I can just go home? Pack it iYOUSHOULDN’THAVEDONETHAT

Wait, what the hell was that?

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9 Responses to “Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Six”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Seven | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 4, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Blah blah blah, scary cartridge, blah blah blah, boring ass ghost, etcetera […]

  2. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Eight | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 7, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Haunted video game cartridge versus the man too dumb to turn it off! TONIGHT, ON […]

  3. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Nine | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 8, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Either a game cartridge is possessed by the spirit of a dead child named BEN, or a gamer is slowly going […]

  4. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Ten | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 11, 2014

    […] I should pay somebody to make me a better logo. Erm, anyway! Previously, on BEN Drowned: All this spooky Zelda crap has made little Jadusable run wee wee wee, all the way home, so we’re left […]

  5. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Eleven | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 13, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Jadusable has finally revealed that despite BEN’s… efforts to stop him? With magic? Anyway, he […]

  6. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Twelve | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 15, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: There were things that happened. Go read the other parts. Having to write these summaries day in and day out […]

  7. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Thirteen | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 20, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Somehow, the haunted Majora’s Mask cartridge has managed to take control of Cleverbot! My god, if it […]

  8. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Fourteen | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 21, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Either Jadusable’s little choo-choo has gone around the bend, or BEN is controlling his mind from inside his […]

  9. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Fifteen | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 27, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Hmm. Actually, I think I made a charming infographic that could sum up what’s happened thus […]

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